Thursday, 28 April 2011

Mother Nature is a Cow!

I was going to talk about Man’s best friend, but that will wait until tomorrow or some other more appropriate time.

Today I need to vent about Mother Nature. Efffing cow! Here we are April 28th and should be enjoying temperatures somewhere around 15º C or so. Are we? Are we hell! Right now it is Oº with a light snow. Hell, I can deal with a light spring snow, you know the kind that melts when it hits the ground and is really nothing more than solid…ish rain. We have an accumulation of about two inches, with conditions like this for the next day or so. In effect it could snow all night and into tomorrow.

Oh, I don’t take comfort in the fact that it won’t stay around for very long. IT’S FREAKIN’ SPRINGTIME!!! It shouldn’t be here at all!

So, why are we having this? Could it be payback for my actually enjoying myself in Hawaii? Is Nature pissed off about the Tar Sands? Global warming? Is this a manifestation of a bleak, cold and gray attitude brought on by the impending Canadian election? Let’s discuss this.

We should start with the whole payback for my having a good time in Paradise. I didn’t even want to go! Louise made me, and being the glass is half full kind of guy I thought that I should make the best of it. So I was laughing on the outside, but inside where it counts I really wanted to be back in the cold and snowy land that I love.

This Nature being pissed off thing is really nothing to do with me. I like to ride my bike! Well, I would if the damned snow would disappear. I can’t even picture what Tar Sand looks like. I have seen tar and I have seen sand, most recently in Hawaii and I can say that if tar and sand got together it would be pavement. Pavement isn’t bad. Is it? I promise to write a letter to the robber barons that are sucking the life out of our province and try to convince them to go and rape some other province.

Global warming? Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! Prove it! I am sure that we as humans have had a detrimental effect on this planet. We have turned it into a garbage dump, a toxic waste dump, we have polluted our waterways, irradiated the land, sea and creatures and we really don’t get along with each other very well either. The only warming that I see are the heated debates about who is to blame.

Personally, I am leaning towards the manifestation of a bleak, cold and gray attitude brought on by the impending Canadian election? Do you think it is possible for thirty million people to suicide at the same time? That's what is happening, just a slow death no matter which party is elected. I’ve had a good life. Well, it hasn’t been entirely good, but that is what makes it good. If there is a Heaven and Hell it might be a coin toss for me. Up would be great, and down?

Well, I would then at least be warm!

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