Thursday, 27 April 2017

You Make The Cut

Louise and I were sitting and enjoying our shave ice and I was watching the line that we had just made it through. I was looking at the people and wondering just what their stories were. Most of them, I would venture all of them were just like us, tourists getting a cool something to take the edge off of the heat. In that way we are all pretty shrewd and savvy.

There were families with kids, young couples that could have been on their honeymoons, old farts like us, singles with a sweet tooth and an assortment of others who defy description. Most were in Hawaii casual, a bathing suit or shorts and of some sort and a Hawaiian t-shirt that says something like "I Love Maui". There were some in formal Hawaiian style, a shower and a bathing suit or shorts and of some sort and a Hawaiian t-shirt that says something like "I Love Maui". One woman from New Hampshire was wearing pants, a top and a denim jacket. Crazy woman!

As I was waiting until the brain freeze receded enough to take another spoonful of my POG (passion fruit, orange and guava) I began to wonder just how many of the people at Ulanni's in line or at the tables, I would like to see naked. There were about forty people there and I judged three of them would look good naked. It is pretty subjective, but my taste! Of the three, one had that bubbly personality that is just nice to be around, naked or otherwise. The third person was attractive enough, but appeared to have a miserable outlook on life. I'm sure that she is a nice person, and may have just taken a bite of lemon, who knows. She is still out of the running as someone I would like to see naked. Candidate number two could go either way, it was impossible to guess.

So, there was either two or one out of forty that would look good naked. Well, that I thought looked good naked anyways. If you extrapolate that number to the population of the world, there would be 1,750,000,000 good looking naked people.

You should be proud of yourself, you make the cut.

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

Pure in Mind and Body

You know the dangers that lurk in the environment that you live in. When you move to a new area one of the first things you should do is to discover what dangers lay in wait for you in the forest, grasses and back alleys. You can never be too careful.

I was raised in a city so I knew the dangers that I had to avoid. If I choose not to avoid them then that was because I was aware of them and prepared to deal with the dangers. Thankfully, most of the dangers don't think they either react or just are dangerous being themselves. A rock can't hurt you if you know it is there, but if you forget you will end up with a broken toe.

I moved to a different city on the other side of the country and had to learn the dangers there. for one thing, there are a lot more wild animals in the mountains than the farmland of southern Ontario. I never even gave bears a thought growing up except to wonder why they all liked their porridge a different temperature. Maybe that was Goldilocks the B & E artist. There are Cougars, mountain lions, Wapiti and even the deer can give you a kick if you piss them off. I'm sure that there are dangerous animals in Ontario, but where I hung out there were only raccoons, mosquitos and black flies. Irritating sometimes, but rarely dangerous.

I tried to find out the dangers that would confront me in Maui, but surprisingly the Chamber of Commerce plays death and dismemberment Down in their advertising. I knew that there are sharks in oceans, but shark attacks are pretty rare in Maui. Still, I kept an eye out for people with recently missing limbs and or hunks torn out of their torso. There can be danger from jellyfish and Portuguese man-o-war, but I didn't hear anything about that on the news.

The Chamber of Commerce are pretty sharp because they market swimming with the Sharks as a fun activity when you visit the islands. That would be like encouraging tourists in Banff to hang out at the garbage dump to take selfies with the Bears. It takes all kinds! Actually my daughter is going to swim with the Sharks in a months time when she is honeymooning on Oahu.

Image result for kiawe tree
Every morning and at least once in the afternoon I take a walk down the beach. The first day there must have been quite a wind storm because a beach tree had lost a large branch and it was lying on the each. This tree, a Kiawe is a lot like Mesquite, really good for BBQ's. It also has many thorns that are dangerous looking. Loose branches are a good thing to keep an eye out for on my beach walks. If I happened to run into someone new to the island I would pass on a healthy respect for Kiawe branches.

This afternoon while I was walking down the beach, I was looking up the beach instead of at my feet and felt a sharp stab and when I did look down there was a branch of Kiawe firmly attached to my foot by one of those thorns. What was I to do? I had no phone to call Louise to come and get me. the locals would take another toke and just laugh at me. Other tourists really couldn't care less about the fat, old guy cradling his foot. Do I walk on the beach where I've seen people spit and walk with their dirty, fungi encrusted feet. I could walk in the ocean but we all know what the fish do in there.
Image result for kiawe thorn
I did the only thing that I could do, I walked where the ocean would be filtered by the beach and the beach would be cleansed by the ocean. The best of two worlds. When I got back to the condo, I had Louise look at my foot to see if I needed immediate medical attention or if it could wait till I got back to Canada and universal health care. She looked and as I prepared myself for the worst I heard her say, "There isn't anything there.", and she dropped my foot.

I guess we can attribute this miraculous recovery to being pure in mind and body.

Monday, 24 April 2017


First and foremost, it is Tornado's seventh birthday today. I want to wish him the very merriest of days filled with love, laughter, presents and good things to eat. Hopefully, in the years to come when I am long gone he will read this and think, "I wonder why mom never showed me this?" In answer to that my little friend, your mom has/had more important things to do than read this blog. Love you...

I have been thinking about language for the past few days ever since I said hello to a couple sitting on a bench in a mall and they said with few words and actions that they didn't speak English. Two days ago I was in a restaurant in Lahina and the couple at the next table were speaking French. Since I didn't pay attention In Dr. Dawson's French class, I had no idea what they were saying and I love to listen in on other people's private conversations. Forty years later my actions are still biting me in the ass!

I can't really understand why there are so many different languages in the world. We all started somewhere in Africa some 10,000 - 100,000 years ago and the name for rock was rock, food was food and flower was flower. Some people wandered away looking for a better more fruitful land or at least one that was moderately less dangerous. I doubt that anyone crossed the Bearing land bridge and settled in the high Arctic so that they could make up fifty or sixty new names for snow. How the high Arctic was a better place than they came from just boggles my mind.

Why change the names of things that you needed to discuss with others. I am aware that there is such a thing as language drift, but I don't understand how it can change from Swahili to Chinese to French to Russian. That is a lot of drift. I am sure someone has written a Ph.D. Thesis about it and I could look it up if I were so inclined, but I am not really that interested. I just don't think it should have happened.

Here in Hawaii I am having real difficulty with the pronunciation of towns and street names. It's like someone told the Hawaiians that they could name things whatever they liked. The vowels are free, you can use as many of them as you would like, but the consonants are expensive. That's why there are names like A'aoliueoti, Kihei and Ka'auala. My Canadian mind can't handle it. Since there are a lot of people descended from Eastern Europeans, I am used to names from the Slavic countries where all they got were consonants. Someone screwed up the order and sent too many vowels to the one place and not enough to the other.

Maybe I should learn Esperanto...

Saturday, 22 April 2017

Trump's Shit

The world's population has approximately 7 billion people give or take a few hundred million. We all love our families, except for that weird aunt that insists on pinching your cheeks well into adulthood. We all have to work at various jobs, some better paid than others, some more satisfying than others and some are just employment stops on the way to the future. I spent over thirty years at an employment stop, you just never know. Of those seven billion people only 35 million are lucky enough to have been born in Canada or .5 % of the world's population. I was one of those lucky few and I am very thankful for the circumstances that made that possible.

Other countries are very nice, but no other countries people are known for being nice. Yes, sometimes we are bullied by the big kids in the playground and have to go without lunch or in our case, cheap raw materials. We live next door to one of the biggest bullies in the world. It consistently invades countries in order to bring them "Democracy". Some of the countries already have democracy, but they also have vast deposits of oil or other valuable minerals, so they "need" to have the American democracy. I guess if it weren't the US it would be some other country that would "save" the rest of us from ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, I love the benefits from living next to the giant bully just south of us and I am currently spending a wonderful vacation on an island in the middle of the Pacific that was "annexed" to save them from foreign invasions. The fact that it is located in an extremely strategic location is only a happy coincidence. I have spent my life watching American TV and probably know more about the US than I do about Canada. Well, the TV version of America anyways.

Lately I have been fascinated by what is happening in American politics. They have elected a multi billionaire to be their president. Did I mention that he was and is an asshole? This guy thinks that if something doesn't have monetary worth then it has no value. He believes that everyone is capable of reaching the level of success that he has reached. That is true, if everyone started out with one or two hundred million from daddy.

Every now and then there will be some report about Trump entertaining some political crony or foreign potentate at an expensive restaurant. Usually one of Trumps restaurants so that he can make money and deduct it from his taxes which is why he doesn't pay any. Just by watching you know that they are eating dolphin fin soup, baby seal testicles and white rhino tail. All of this is very expensive of course, probably more than you or I will make in a year. It's really sad when you think that what The Asshole spends on food he could support thousands of food banks. But charity never helped someone be successful.

I wonder if when Trump is eating these expensive meals on his platinum dishes with gold cutlery, he is thinking that tonight when he is tweeting on the toilet he will have shit more than most people in the US will make that month.

Watching American politics is like watching a train bearing down on a school bus full of kids. You know that there is about to be a horrendous tragedy, but there is nothing that you can do about it but watch. The train is getting closer...

Thursday, 20 April 2017

Harsh My Mellow

I have pretty much met only nice people here in paradise.  I like to think that I bring out the best in people and they would be put upon to show their evil side when confronted on the beach with a "Good morning" or "It's a beautiful day". Most people respond to a smile with a smile. Sometimes their smile actually means "Fuck off, I'm relaxing in paradise!", but mostly a smile is just a smile.

Of course like everywhere else there are a certain number of fucktards that can bring clouds out on a sunny day. These are the people whom the death penalty should be reserved for. I worked at the Post Office and I think I would be safe in saying that it was a wonderful job. There were those days of course but they were few and far between. I was always amazed at the number of grouchy pricks that were drawn to the Postal Service. You couldn't win with these people.

One couple just had a negative view of life. While the husband was parking the car, the wife would come in and say “Jesus! Look how heavy the mail is! It'll be dark by the time I get home." The hubby would then come in and say   "Jesus! Look how heavy the mail is! It'll be dark by the time I get home." The next day they would come in and she would complain about how light the mail is and how we will pay for it tomorrow. Of course her hubby would say the exact same thing. I always wondered what kept them from driving off of a cliff together. Probably one cliff would be too high and the other would be too low. It's hard to find a Goldilocks cliff.

Today I was walking along a path beside the highway. No one really walks here, they drive, amble and some few bike. The path was designed for bikes I guess but it was/is hardly used. Normally when I am walking along a path in Alberta, if a cyclist approaches me I will wave or wish them a good day and they will respond with a nod, smile or a wave. The pricks I passed today didn't even acknowledge my existence. I could understand if they were involved in a Tour de Maui or they were acing to the nearest clinic because their testicles a small to large turtle attached. Maybe if they were being pursued by the Maui Mafia.

Anyways, they were pricks and I shouldn't let them harsh my mellow. I am after all lounging in paradise while you...aren't.

Space Station

Image result for space station
A couple of days ago I read in the paper that for the next six evenings the international space station would be visible from where I am staying in Maui. That's pretty cool. If you have ever been here, you will know that there really isn't a lot to do in the evenings so watching the space station pass overhead will kill six or seven minutes.

Well, the first night I had no idea just where in the sky it would appear and where it would go to, so I missed it. Last night I made sure where it would be visible and for how long. I just assumed it would pass at the same time of evening and not an hour earlier like it did. How can you run a space program if there is a lack of regularity? This morning I made sure of the time and the place. Unfortunately, when the time came I had forgotten I was going to watch the space station pass overhead and missed it. I feel that by tomorrow I will have all of my ducks in a row and with any luck I should see a tiny dot crawling across the sky. Whoopee!

I have always been less than impressed by celestial objects. I saw a comet which everyone was wetting themselves about and to me it was just a little smudge of light surrounded by a billion other smudges of light in the night sky. I've watched meteor showers. If I had a shower as pitiful as that, I would never manage to wash myself at all. I won a telescope once and although it was pretty good looking up the alley, I didn't have a lot of luck seeing anything in the cosmos.

I know that it is my fault, I am expecting to see Alderaan exploding or the Enterprise sailing through the rings of Saturn. My sense of wonder at the universe has been ruined by the television and National Geographic. It's supposed to work the other way!

That first night while I was trying to see anything in the night sky, five people came walking along the beach. I understand how wonderful it can be at night. These people were using a flashlight to light their way. The shore is pretty well lit from artificial Tiki lanterns, Christmas lights and just lights in general. People BBQing need light to grill by. So, one side is well lit and on the other side you know that you have gone too far when your feet get wet. If you stay in the middle, there is sand. Without the flashlight, their eyes would have been acclimated to the dark and they would have been able to see just fine by the light of the Space Station passing overhead.

I saw someone with a flashlight again tonight. A young man on vacation with the love of his life. I wonder if she knows that he needs a nightlight. Fear of the dark is hard wired into us humans I guess and being able to banish the dark is akin to magic.

I'm pretty brave sitting on the lanai with a light on and the screen lighting my face.

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Beach Glass

I would like to think that one of the things that goes towards making you a good person is the desire to share your good fortune with others. There are many other attributes of a good person and I'm not really sure where good intentions fit in. Probably somewhere between helping the sick and eating your kid's Halloween candy to prevent them from getting cavities. I'm going to guess about a third of the way up the list.
Image result for saint
Whenever I have gone to Las Vegas I wish that some of my friends and family would be there so that I could show them the magic and experience it anew through their eyes. Most people that have reached a certain age and have never been think that since they don't drink or gamble it wouldn't be fun. I thought that way myself, but was happily proven wrong. I admit that it isn't for everyone, but I am also sure that everyone can find something that will make their hearts glad. Perhaps they will find Vegas in their next life.
Image result for vegas
Every morning while I am in Paradise, I like to begin the day with a walk down the beach. At this time of day the ocean is relatively calm with just a gentle lapping of waves on the shore. There are other early risers strolling along the beach to wish "Good Morning" to and sometimes a magical conversation erupts. Sometimes it is just a nod and a smile. Sometimes they look like miserable bastards and it is best to avert your eyes lest you get sucked into a bet where you will lose your soul.

 There are four types of people in this world. Those that look forward, those who look at where they have been, those that look up and those who look down. The ones who look to either side I lump in with the forward people, although they might deserve a category all their own. I have always been a person that looks down. I think it began as a letter carrier and I was trying to avoid stepping in dog shit. Now, I like to walk along and see what is at my feet. I look ahead so that I know where I am going from time to time, but there are so many fascinating little things in front of your toes.

I carry this to the beach of course and if you take the time to look, the beach has a world of beauty right at the high tide line. I particularly like the small shells which have infinitely different shapes and colours. There is the odd dead fish, tangled fishing line, abandoned flip flop and an assortment of washed up garbage. Thankfully, this beach I am on has very little garbage washing up. What I really look for is beach glass.

Beach glass comes from bottles that drunken teenagers, adults and tourists toss in the ocean where it is broken up by the surf, rounded and polished by being tossed about in the waves. Most beach glass quickly becomes beach, but some of it is rescued by sharp eyed down lookers like myself. Other years that I have come to the beach I have found quite a bit of glass, it gives me something to do on my walks. This year there doesn't seem to be very much glass on the beach.
Image result for bottles in ocean
While walking, I like to speculate why this would be. Do you think the local teenagers have given up underage drinking in favour of being responsible for the planet? Has the love for this tropical paradise convinced the adults living here and visiting that the ocean is not only beautiful, but it is also not a garbage dump. I suppose t the tides and currents that have in the past worked together to bring glass to Sugar Beach have somehow altered and now drop the bulk of the glass further down the island coastline. One woman I talked to a couple of years ago thought that there would be less and less Glass because of the way glass is manufactured now. It is much thinner than ever before and just can't withstand the pounding in the surf, becoming beach far too quickly.

Personally, I prefer to think that as I age my eyes just can't see the tiny, glittering gems scattered amongst the flotsam on the beach. I have a friend who loves the beach glass even more than I do and I dearly wish that it were possible for her to share my search with me. Her husband would start out on the beach with us but would soon find something amazing to photograph and drop behind our slow amble. We would weave back and forth following the high tide line along the beach and every now and then bend over to pick up a small, glittering piece of glass which would be brushed off and put in a pocket to be admired back at home.

Maybe I will have company the next time. Maybe it is a solitary occupation and I am destined to scour the beach like a prospector of old. Maybe I'm just "nuckin futs".

Monday, 17 April 2017

Good People

I mentioned yesterday about going to the town of Pa'ia and then heading east from there to a beach with large Hona or turtles. It was cool. The drive back was very slow because, well, there didn't seem to be a real good reason except that we had to drive back through the town of Pa'ia. This gave me plenty of time to look around the countryside and allow my mind to drift off. Normally that is something I try to avoid while driving, but I was living pono. 

As we drove or sat, we spent a good deal of the time either approaching, passing or being past a couple of cemeteries. For a small town on an island that cremated and then spreads the ashes into the sea, there were a lot of gravestones. I would have liked to pull over and visit the graveyard, but I didn't want to lose my place in traffic. Maybe later.

I have been thinking about graveyards and dying for the past few months. Not that I am ill or plan to be so in the near or distant future, but it is interesting. You have all driven past roadside shrines to someone's son or daughter that passed away in a car accident. Many years ago, Louise and I were driving thru one of the states under Alberta at night and kept seeing these reflective crosses at the roadside. They were generally at corners, some by themselves and some clustered together. It was a very effective way of encouraging drivers to slow down. It worked for me anyhow.

One of the things we like to do if we have the time when we are back east is to visit Louise's Mom and Dad's graves to clean them off and say hello. The graves are mostly forlorn and unkempt, forgotten by loved ones caught up in their day to day living. Most cemeteries that I have visited are quiet and peaceful. The reason they are quiet and peaceful is that no one goes there. I don't really understand why we have cemeteries. Yes, I know that we can't have bodies rotting at the sides of the road, but you would think that in the thousands of years we have been on the planet we could have come up with a better way to honour the dead.

A cemetery is often located on prime city real estate. Originally they were on the outskirts of town, but over the years the towns grew around them. These "downtown" resting places are pretty much full so there isn't a lot of income being generated and there is upkeep and costs associated with all parcels of land.

I understand that in the past when a person of particular import died we would want to find a way to remember him or her for all time. that is why they were buried with pomp and splendour. Probably the less important but well to do people wanted to be remembered for all time and their families put up elaborate displays designed to tickle their fantasies as well as honour the dead. The truth is that even someone that is very important to the human race, their resting place will be forgotten in a few centuries.

You and I? Our children will maybe visit on the anniversary of our passing, maybe a birthday or if they happen to be feeling guilty about how they treated us when we were alive. The grand children will stop by once or twice to keep their mother or father company and maybe if you were a nice person and not a crotchety old bastard, they will come every couple of years. That's it!

Sure your grave might be visited by some relative doing a genealogical background. There are some people who take rubbings of interesting or famous stones, buyt you aren't interesting or famous. The only people who will visit are underage kids swilling stolen bottles of beer and they will sit on your stone or worse, piss on it. 

Within two to three generations you will have been completely forgotten. that is fifty or sixty years. Sad really to think of all those people who wanted to be remembered after they passed away. I would like to think that my significant people think highly of me now when I am alive. When I die it would be nice to think that some story or joke I told is being passed on. The only true immortality is the people you leave behind and if they are good people who beget good people, who beget good people, who beget good people, etc.

Saturday, 15 April 2017

Everything Works Out For The Best

Today was an off day for paddling.  Well, there is this big swap meet on Saturdays which takes precedence over paddling. The only trouble with the swap meet is that it happens inland and away from the cooling effects of the trade winds. I suffer to save money. Today there wasn't a lot that piqued my interest, mainly Hawaiian themed touristy stuff and the real cool stuff was either too large to transport or I figure "I could do that.". The only thing I came away with was a sweat soaked t-shirt.

We left the swap meet and went for breakfast in Paia. Louise says there is an apostrophe in between some of those vowels, but no one really cares. Paia is one of those towns that cater to tourists and if you were to move the town to Banff and replaced the surf related products with mountain products, you wouldn't know the difference. we walked around the town looking for an interesting store while I worried about whether the bums that were hanging around the parking lot were going through my stuff. Turns out that the bums had less motivation than I gave them credit for.

Since there was zero chance that we could make a left turn through the traffic, we decided to go up the coast and check out the beach with surfers and turtles. The beach parking lot was very crowded but that was to be expected it being the Easter long weekend. I am amazed at the size of the turtles and how awkward they are on land. They have a grace in the water and those large inefficient flippers (on land) allow them to play and find food in the ocean. I'm just thankful they don't eat people. The surfers were equally fascinating to watch. I asked a guy if it wasn't dangerous and he said "oh yeah." I asked if it was dangerous for him and he said, No, not at all." Basically, he was saying keep out of the water fat boy.

I could have taken offence, but I took it as wise advice. If I had begun surfing when my body was more surfboard like then I might be tempted, but it has been a long time since I looked like a surfboard. I will have to content myself with the Surf and Turf at my local steakhouse. Okay, I am sticking with the Turf.

Surprisingly, I was exhausted by the time we got back to the condo. I say surprisingly because I did nothing strenuous at all. My plan was to go for a walk down the beach and then go for a swim to strengthen those muscles which have atrophied over the winter. I opted to take a short power nap so that I would have the energy for that walk down the beach. I woke from my nap still a little tired and instead of walking down the beach I figured I could take care of those atrophied muscles by having a cool drink on the lanai. 

See, everything works out for the best.

Candy and Rides

I hope  that everyone has managed to have a wonderful Good Friday. 

Well, I don't suppose that Jesus had a great time, but he did have an agenda for saving mankind which probably gave him solace while he was nailed to the cross. 

Personally, Good Friday was never a big deal in our house. Growing up the only real meaning that it had was that I had days off from school. Our family was Anglican and our trips to church happened on Easter Sunday and at Christmas. On each holiday we as kids would be able to eat as much candy as could be stuffed in our mouths. This must have been a time when dentists didn't charge very much and parents were more tolerant of a church full of kids on sugar highs.

Good Friday was nothing! No candy! I vaguely remember that mom would be cleaning the house in preparations for the big Sunday dinner with family. My memory has faded over the years and if there was some family thing that we did, I have long ago forgotten what it was.

When we raised our family, we stuck pretty much to that same tradition of doing as little as possible. there were a few years when we were regular attendees to church and became obligated to attend more than one service in the week. We took the kids to church in the hopes that they would have a solid base knowledge when they eventually rejected organized religion. Any knowledge is a good thing and knowledge that enables you to intelligently tell those door knocking JW's you reject their beliefs, is even better knowledge.

I can get behind a kindly old elf dressed in red who slides down chimneys to give good boys and girls gifts. A fairy that leaves cold, hard cash for teeth stretches my imagination. It doesn't make good financial sense. What I have real trouble with is a large rabbit that traipses around the country hiding chocolate eggs and jelly beans. Where does he get all of those eggs from? He doesn't have thousands of elves making them for him. Why would the chocolate chickens freely give up their eggs? Why wouldn't the chickens had out the candy and get. Some much needed positive press. What do eggs and jelly beans have to do with the death of a messiah?

No, I just can't rationally get behind the Easter Bunny. However, he does give out chocolate and that certainly helps to suspend belief somewhat.

What the hell. Just so long as I get candy the bunny can do what he wants. I'm just thankful he hops around the place. He could have driven up to playgrounds in an unmarked white van offering candy and rides to the kids.

Thursday, 13 April 2017


You would think that nothing could make being in paradise better than it is. So did I until this morning when I found that it snowed this morning in my home town. I am sure it wasn't a large amount of snow and it will more than likely melt by the end of the day, BUT IT SNOWED!!!

I thought about snow and my buddy clearing it away from my walk as I walked down the beach having the waves lap around my ankles. Paradise became just a trifle better.

I wished this woman on the beach a good morning as she walked past me. Soon she walked by me going the other way and we had a little longer conversation. She asked me if I had gone swimming and I told her that I was just in up to my calves. As she walked away I thought to myself that taking a morning dip was more than a good idea, it was a wonderful idea. I stripped off my shirt, hat, and wrapped my camera up in the shirt. Before you know it I was doing a very weak breast stroke in the ocean. Very refreshing!

Luckily for me, my model came drip dry so it was a matter of walking down the beach in the sunshine, letting nature do what it does best. Wouldn't you know it, the same woman came back my way. I stopped her and gave her a report on ocean and swimming in it in particular. We talked about this and that a little longer. I am hesitant to mention politics on this trip because people are either against Trump and all that he stands for or they are nuckin' futs. 

My beach walking friend asked me if I had heard what "that ASSHOLE" had done. I said I was taking a break from the world of news while I am here. It turns out "that ASSHOLE" has dropped a gigantic bomb on Afghanistan. She is close to my age and remembers what happened when the US got involved in Vietnam with the draft. We both just shook our heads and silently hoped for the best. I wished her a wonderful day and I hope to have her pass me multiple times tomorrow.

The interesting aspect is that she just refereed to the President of the United States as "that ASSHOLE" and I knew automatically who she meant. 

All hail TAPOTUS!    

Soon to declare himself Donald, Emperor of the world, solar system and quite possibly the Galaxy.  

Wednesday, 12 April 2017

I Promise

Okay, it has even a long day and I'm having trouble remembering how I uploaded the blog the last time I was in this part of the world. I am sure everything will work out fine.

We spent about 8 or 9 hours on airplanes today and half that again waiting in lines for security, customs and food. More lines when we arrived at the car rental place and then again at the supermarket. We even lined up at the edge of the beach to watch the sunset. The last one was a pleasure. I'm pretty sure that I will have to line up to use the bathroom tonight unless I sneak in before Louise.

The thing I really hate about traveling is the traveling. Being in new and different places or even old and comfortable places with strange and interesting people is fun. 

Fun or not, I am getting tired having been awake for about seventeen hours dealing with moving my body from one place to another all day. I will be more informative tomorrow...I promise. 

Tuesday, 11 April 2017

Parts Unkown

Once again I will be leaving my comfortable home and the things I know for parts unknown.

Well, not really parts unknown, it isn’t as if I will be taking a three month trip on a tramp steamer across the ocean and arriving in some place back of beyond without any modern conveniences or the simple ability to speak my language. I will be travelling across the ocean but in considerably less than three months. I walk into a building in Calgary and the next time I breathe unconditioned air I will be in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The air will smell moist and have a fragrance culled from millions of tropical flowers.

There will be an expectation of good things to come. Well, on my side of the terminal, on the other side there will be people filled with warm memories who are reluctantly leaving paradise to go back to their lives on the other side of the world. My first concern is to get our luggage and find the way to the car rental company before the throngs of others get there. I have never been the first, but I suppose there is a first for everything.

The condo we will be staying at is on the opposite side of the island from the airport and will take about 15 minutes to get to. First however, like that person on the tramp steamer we will need to find provisions. Luckily for me there is a Costco not too far away and I am sure they will have all the necessities of life. Bread, vegetables, fruit, meat, P.O.G. and toilet paper spring to mind.
 Image result for pog drink
Do you know P.O.G.? It was created in 1971 by Mary Soon who was/is a food product consultant from the juice of passion fruit, orange and guava. It is produced by Meadow Gold Dairy may their bottom line keep on the upward slope. Louise and I will refresh ourselves in a healthy somewhat addictive way. There will also be Hawaiian Sea Salt chips which I have a particular fondness for. This year I promise to be strong and resist the pull as I have a wedding to attend in May and I must look my best. I will have to walk down the aisle, not roll. Did I mention the box of Mauna Loa macadamia nuts covered in milk chocolate that will be on the counter of our condo when we check in?
 Image result for hawaiian sea salt chipsImage result for Mauna Loa macadamia nuts

I look forward to the short walk down the beach to get a shave ice from Ululani’s just across the road from the Kihei canoe club. I’m not going to lose weight am I?
 Image result for Ululani’s
Maybe if I spend enough time in the water and walking along the beach I can find a balance of sorts. Maybe…

Well, maholo and aloha.