Wednesday 30 March 2016

Less Blood and Urine

So, last week I had my physical and today was the day that I needed to have the blood and urine tests done. I asked the doctor if it was a fasting kind of test and she said that wasn’t necessary any more. Just how long has it been since the last physical? Hmmm…. When I got home I went online and made an appointment for the lab tests and got one for Wednesday. People are always complaining about the wait times, but I had no problem getting a pretty early appointment. Must be my good karma that I have built up from a life of self sacrifice and helping others.

I am a belt and suspenders kind of guy, so just to be on the safe side I fasted before I went. Well, it’s hardly a fast when most of the time is spent being horizontal and snoring. I wouldn’t want to show up and find that the doctor was wrong and I had to reschedule. I puttered around this morning killing time till it was time to leave for my ten o’clock appointment.

I don’t know what it was this morning, but I got behind some pretty slow drivers. I wasn’t concerned because I left lots of time and even with an appointment the chances are pretty good that I will be waiting anyways. I parked on the far side of the parking lot so that the bad drivers I passed didn’t park so close to the car that I wouldn’t be able to get in when it was time to leave.

I walked up to the receptionist and handed her the requisition form and I included the confirmation number, no one was going to say that I wasn’t prepared. I made some small talk about the weather and how busy it was in the waiting room. She typed something into the computer and after a minute or two she smiled and told me that my appointment was for next Wednesday the sixth of April. Hmmm…

I thanked her for her time, promised to be back next week and went to McDonalds for coffee and a burrito. I enjoyed my quiet time drinking my coffee and reading my book. The beauty is that I get to do it all again next week with slightly less blood and urine.

Monday 28 March 2016

Stay Connected

For some reason my internet connection has stopped. I could understand if the connection was severed from all of the computers in the house, but it seems that my computer is the only one affected. What the hell is up with that?

Did the “internet” get together and decide that every now and then it will screw with me. Why would it screw with me? I’m a nice kind of guy; I hold doors for men, women and children even though I rarely get a “Thank you”. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt even when they are being complete ass-hats. Hell, I believe that most politicians actually mean well, even the ones that should be taken out and fed to the rabid dogs at the city dump. I keep my lawn more or less nice if your definition of nice is brownish green with a scattering of weeds. I try not to show my bigotry to anyone’s face, even though I understand that I am a product of my generation.

I suppose that there is something wrong with my computer…every now and then. Sort of like Donald trump isn’t always an asshole. Who am I kidding, Trump is always an asshole and the WWW is out to get me. Lucky for me I don’t have anything of value or even interest on my computer. Even my computer has no value, mainly because every now and then the internet connection will cut out. What thief worth his salt would steal a crap computer like this?

Oops…I am back online so I don’t need to write any more.

Have a good night and I wish that you stay connected.

Saturday 26 March 2016

Friends and Lovers

It seems that I can’t turn on the TV or listen in on a private conversation at Tim’s without hearing about how difficult it is to meet someone nice. This has been going on for quite some time now, hence the proliferation of dating sites on the internet and the many ads on my TV. Young people that I know have found their significant others online, so obviously it works.

I was talking to one of the neighbours earlier today, discussing how lucky we were to have grown up when we did. During the course of the conversation we talked about how kids stay at home longer than our generation did. He has a daughter that is still at home and is twenty eight and a son who is twenty four. The son is moving out next month, but the daughter is content to live with mom and dad.

The three big things on my mind when I was in my last year of high school was could a miracle happen and give me passing grades; how I could find a new girlfriend since the last one dumped me; and when is the earliest possible date that I could get my own place. I don’t think I was alone in that wish. Well, most people weren’t hoping for divine intervention during exams and most didn’t recently get dumped, but the moving out thing was kind of universal. Most of us were out ASAP, with some hand-me-down dishes, towels and furniture picked up on garbage day. We didn’t need much and didn’t have much, but we were very happy. Besides, there was always a place at mom and dad’s supper table.

During our discussion, neither of us remembered it being difficult meeting girls. Finding a girl dumb enough to like us was another matter, but meeting them was on the whole pretty easy. I suppose it was partly due to the fact we would hang out with large groups of friends. There were many smaller groups that would intersect and at a party or some kind of outing it was possible to meet Miss Right. We came to the conclusion that the groups of friends have shrunk and people keep more to themselves. It is tough to meet anyone unless you are out there, but there has to be a “there”.

For a connected generation this generation seems to be disconnected from real life. Times are much different and to tell you the truth, I wouldn’t like to be growing up now and I worry about the grandkids and how they will manoeuvre their way thru life. I wish them well, and I will be there with useless relationship advice that hasn’t been effective for forty years. Any relationship advice from me was pretty much useless at the time. I suspect that boys and girls will find a way to get together no matter what impediments are put in front of them.

Thursday 24 March 2016

A New Doctor

Well, I had my physical today and I learned a couple of interesting things.

It turns out that my doctor doesn’t want to see me naked any more than I want to be naked in front of her.

There was nothing obvious that would indicate my untimely death.

Before I get another physical, I need to get a new doctor. One that has better circulation and smaller fingers.

Wednesday 23 March 2016

A Fun Day

Jeez… I am all aflutter.

Tomorrow I have a physical and I can’t say that I am looking forward to it. I guess it has been about three years since the last one and really, every ten years seems like it would be good enough. I’m told that is a bad attitude to have and physicals should be scheduled every year, like automobile maintenance. If that’s the case, then every five years works for my car and for me. I need a new attitude towards my vehicles too.

There are very good reasons I don’t like to go to the doctor. Sometimes when you go you have an ache or a pain that just won’t go away. Well, sometimes when you make the appointment the pain goes away leaving you sitting on that uncomfortable doctors examination table with your feet dangling and telling the doctor that it did indeed actually hurt a few days ago…no, really. If the pain stays with you into the doctors examination room the doctor will do one or two things. She will find out what it is and you will have to go for more tests or take some unpleasant drugs, probably both. She may not find anything and in that case you will have to go for more tests and take some unpleasant drugs. I could do without the doctor and just go for more tests on my own.

If there is something wrong with me, I will need to eat better, get more exercise and come back in a week or two to see how I am doing. If there is nothing wrong with me, then I am just a whiner taking up the doctor’s time just because I am getting old. In a week or two I will be stressing out again and be back in the waiting room. I think that I am just aging and unless my doctor happens to be Ponce De Leon, I’ll just have to live with it.

It boils down to fear I guess. I am probably okay, but if I’m not, I don’t think I actually want to know. Sure, I want to know if there is something that can be done about it, but I don’t want to know if I will be lingering in pain. I have no worry about a loss of mental faculties, that ship sailed a long time ago.

Well, off to bed and off to the doctors in the morning. I will have a nice chat, a laugh or two and then she will violate me. Sounds like a fun day.

Tuesday 22 March 2016

The Thin Veneer

There have been a lot of negative things said about Donald Trump in the past couple of months. Well, people that think like I do have been saying a lot of negative things about Donald Trump. I suppose that somewhere there is an overweight, bearded sixty something guy writing about all of the many positive things that Donald Trump has done and will do if allowed to become the President of the United States. He would be wrong of course, but he is entitled to his opinion even if that opinion lies somewhere between moronic and insane.

To tell you the truth, the only person worth considering who is vying for the loftiest position in US politics is Bernie Saunders. I say that because he seems to be the only one of either party that cares for the people of the country more than he does himself. It’s possible that he is just a great salesman and I have bought into his rhetoric. Who knows?

I think Mr. Trump is dangerous in that he allows and encourages the base nature of his followers to rise to the surface. Hilary Clinton seems to be cut from the same cloth. I could be wrong and hope that I am because the “voice of reason” doesn’t stand a chance.

We humans pat each other on the back for all of our technological accomplishments and how far we have come from the humans of ten thousand years ago. They were savages! Well, perhaps. They selected leaders based on ability to hunt and or lead. The leader had to earn the respect of all the members of the tribe, and even the individuals that didn’t like him/her did have a grudging respect. They cared for their families and would work together with other tribes to make sure they all had enough food to make it through the winter. They lacked technology and yes, they could be quite savage at times, even fighting others if they had to.

Whatever evil that they did, pales in comparison to the evil we do on a daily basis. We fight wars to take other peoples resources, support evil despots so that they will grant concessions to our resource hungry country. We are not nice people, not nice at all.

Individually, we are nice enough, but our society just doesn’t care. There are many thousands of our neighbours who aren’t getting enough to eat, live in hovels and their children have little or no chance to rise out of the pit they are born in. We are proud that our society doesn’t have a caste system and all people are equal. Bullshit! Look around, how many of the people you know have managed to move out of the social strata they were born in. I’ve looked, the poor marry the poor, the middle class marry middle class and the wealthy marry the wealthy for the most part. They attend schools in their own neighbourhoods which are funded according to the income the parents make for the most part.

We will help those less fortunate than we are at Christmas and every now and then will give a beggar on the street a dollar or two which makes us feel good for the rest of the day. We have leaders who are more interested in getting elected than helping the poor and sick and they are very good at being elected, little else.

Our society has a thin veneer of civilization, but it can be stripped away in a moment if we allow the wrong person to become our leader. We shouldn’t elect a leader that looks good or has a billion dollars; we should make our decision on how that leader treats the lowest member of our tribe.

Monday 21 March 2016

Dr Evil

Just thought that I would check in and let you know that I am indeed alive and thinking about the blog. 

I don't know what it is that keeps me from writing, perhaps a general malaise that is sure to pass. Here is a quote using "malaise" and a clip from Austin Powers.

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

Saturday 19 March 2016

Bring Cookies

I would like to think that the world is filled with magic.

For me the definition of magic is something that I can’t explain and when I ask smart people “…how can that be possible?” they don’t know either. Arthur C. Clarks quote “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” might apply. It might also be that I am pretty simple and willing to believe in the unexplainable.

Over a period of years I have come to learn how some very simple illusions are performed, and although I now know how the coin disappeared or how the rabbit disappeared from the box, I can’t say I am happier for the knowledge. Truthfully, I was happier in my ignorance. I think most people are. Sure, some of us need to know how everything works and why it works, but I just like the idea that it works. I don’t care anything about electricity as long as when I flip the switch, the lights come on.

I read an article today about parents that play down the concept of a magical being that comes to visit one day a year that will leave gifts for children if they have been good…ish. I guess they feel it is important for the two and three year old kids to know where those gifts come from and that their parents had to make sacrifices and work hard to earn the money to buy those gifts. Maybe they feel that it is up to them to inform other gullible kids that their mom and dad have been lying to them for years, because little Johnny is going to tell his buddies that there is no Santa. Maybe those parents have somehow lost the magic themselves. Perhaps there was a point in their lives that was so traumatic that they feel the need to protect their child from the same hurt. Hmmm…

I have noticed over the years that people have been getting more and more grown up earlier and earlier. Being responsible and mature seems to be something to strive for no matter what the cost. The cost is shortening childhood which is far too short as it is.

I always liked being a kid. Sure I wanted to be able to decide when to go to bed, what to eat, stay out past when the street lights came on, whether to go to school or not and whether I should have to share my things with my brother. It was really nice to come in from playing in the snow and have mom make me a hot chocolate. It was nice to have mom make my favourite food on my birthday and give me presents. It was nice to be able to go out on Halloween and have total strangers give me candy. It was nice to be tucked into bed and kissed goodnight. It was nice to be loved.

It was also nice not to have any real responsibilities other than a little yard work and some tidying up the house. We have to become responsible too soon as it is. Personally, I loved that mom and dad made Santa real to me and my brother. I tried to make Santa real for my children and I hope that they are making Santa real for my grand children.

To me there is no question about real. I know the man and although he isn’t the Coca-Cola Santa; he is real, loving, kind, and generous, loves kids (mostly) and has a great sense of humour.

Someday, I will introduce you to him…bring cookies.

Thursday 17 March 2016

Donald fucking Trump

You know, when I first heard that Donald fucking Trump was running for president, I thought it might be a good thing. For some reason I believed that he was using his influence and money to keep the other candidates on target. He would be like a white knight (with bad hair) targeting the issues that should be talked about during the election. Maybe that is what it started out as…

 Somehow, it morphed into a circus sideshow that was sort of funny. I felt embarrassed for the guy, but if he choose to piss away his fortune and look like an idiot at the same time, well, that is up to him. It seemed to be a demonstration of the Peter Principal in real life.

Next it started to get real. He was keeping up with the front runners. Weird! Personally, I like the Democrats and having Donald fucking Trump and the sideshow just made a Democratic President a foregone conclusion. When a party can’t even field a serious, responsible person to lead the party, how can they possibly hope to get elected? Good for my guys.

Okay…this has gone on long enough! It’s Donald fucking Trump America! Stop pissing around and get behind anyone but him. No, really!

God, it looks like Donald fucking Trump will be selected as the Republican Presidential candidate. What is wrong with Americans? Donald fucking Trump is a dangerous person, has dangerous ideas and will turn the world against the country. I don’t think he is a Hitler, but I thought he was a joke so what do I know. I would never have believe it possible that Donald fucking Trump might have a chance to become the next President of the U.S. of A**holes.

There is something wrong with a political system where it costs over a billion dollars to be selected as leader of a political party. It makes you wonder what the eventual payout is for the winner and those that supported him.

If Donald fucking Trump does somehow manage to get elected the next President, I hope his first act is to build a wall between our two countries. Well, just so long as there is a way under the fence to get to Hawaii and Las Vegas.

Monday 14 March 2016

The Naughty List

I have mentioned many times that I am a big fan of all things Christmas. I don’t consider myself a whack job, but some others might. I’m too cheap to go really Christmas Crazy, but God help me if I ever win a lottery.

Every year when Christmas is packed away for the year we like to leave some small decoration out as a reminder that in not too many months it will once again be time to decorate the house for Saint Nick. The tradition started a number of years ago by accident when we simply forgot to pack something away and when we did notice it, it blended in with the décor. Can “mess” be décor?

Last year I left a countdown to Christmas ornament out, thinking that it would be kind of cool to be able to look at it and know just how many days are left until Christmas. I didn’t understand that someone would have to change the damned thing every day. I was pretty good for day 342 and day 341, but after that weeks and months would go by without an adjustment. More than 25 days is just too much. That is something that the sellers of Advent Calendars seem to have worked out a long time ago.
This year, we decided to leave out a pair of Santa and Mrs. Claus salt and pepper shakers. Santa is kissing Mrs. Claus on the cheek and they are held together with tiny magnets. It makes sense, because they are both useful and Christmassy.

Last night, Mrs. Claus fell over at dinner (possibly drunk) and the magnet in her cheek fell out. We finished dinner and I took Mrs. Claus down to the workroom to glue the magnet back in. I wouldn’t want to keep the Clauses apart for very long. Just a dab of cyanoacrylate glue and the love affair was back on.

Well, I thought so anyways. I learned about magnets in the fourth grade and have been fascinated by them ever since. Hurricane, Tornado and Tsunami all have played with our fridge magnets at some point in their lives, after all, that is what they are for. As you well know and as I should have known, magnets have positive and negative polarity, + and – will attract each other and like polarity will repel each other.
I now have Santa and Mrs. Claus salt and pepper shakers that will not kiss each other. I think I have split up the Claus’s; certainly their sex life will never be the same.

I am going to be on the Naughty List this year…

Cold War

I had to return a borrowed item to the library today and decided that since I was there, it was my duty, as an educated person, to waste an hour or so wandering up and down the aisles of stacks of books. Normally, this isn’t very productive, but it does put me into a meditative state of sorts. Basically, I can do absolutely nothing and when I tell people I was at the library for the afternoon it becomes a valid way to spend my time. We need more of this kind of activity that is condoned and applauded by society.

Anyways, back at the library, my eye was drawn to a book. Actually, it was the title that drew me. “Trigger Mortis”. How clever is that? It turns out that this book is a James Bond story written using original material from Ian Fleming. More than likely the “original material” is typewriter paper, but I’m willing to give it a go. There was a time when I read all that Ian Fleming had written and when I finished the last book, I was saddened that there would be no more adventures of Britain’s 007.

Of course over the years there have been many books and movies to thrill those of us that can’t get enough James Bond. We live in exciting times. When I read the flyleaf of “Trigger Mortis” I discovered that the story will take place just after he had vanquished Goldfinger and parachutes out of the plane with Pussy Galore. The movie ends with Bond and Pussy under a parachute, James gets the girl of course.

I have always wondered how his relationships end. He is with a stunningly attractive woman when the movies end, but when the next adventure begins he is footloose and fancy free. Most of these women are lethal and I have an image in my mind of Bond hiding in doorways and ducking in Chinese restaurants in Shanghai just to avoid an unpleasant scene. I’d actually love to see him deal with running into an angry old girlfriend while playing Baccarat in Monte Carlo. Could be fun to watch.

I don’t know how this book will progress, but there are sure to be exciting plot lines and beautiful women. At the very least, I will know what not to read in the future.

I’m due back in the cold war for the next hour or so, so have a good night and if you need me I am sure Miss Moneypenny will know how to get in touch…

Saturday 12 March 2016

Right and Wrong

I find that I am getting most of my news from the six o’clock news and the internet. The TV news is mostly local and has a conservative slant which irritates me because I hover somewhere in between NDP and Liberal in my politics. The internet makes no promises that anything is true and honest and it is certainly biased as well. Sometimes it is difficult to tell which side is reporting the propaganda.

Thankfully, most of what happens in the world around me has little effect on my lifestyle. I don’t have enough money or possessions for anyone to want and I have zero influence on anyone. Tax me, don’t tax me…raise the price of gas, don’t raise the price of gas…elect some moron, elect the other moron, my life will just keep on moving inexorably to my eventual death.

A facebook friend spent his working career in journalism and has recently retired. I suspect that his “retirement” was more downsizing than personal choice. He recently made a comment that he cancelled his subscription to the paper that he worked at for so many years. The paper was bought up by a multinational conglomerate that now owns most of the newspapers in Canada. Effectively they can sway political and corporate decisions, back political parties so that their interests are looked after and put what ever initiative forward that the corporation deems to be the “best” for our country, province and city.

They may have our best interests at heart and perhaps we will all benefit, but I doubt it.

I liked it better when there were two or more newspapers in the city and they generally had differing views on how the country should be run. The conservative leaning people would read the right wing paper and the liberal minded people would read the centre left paper. The fringe whackos would have their own papers or two page pamphlets so that they could get the message out to their readers. What I liked about the system is that most papers would make an effort to discuss both sides of any issue and you were given the opportunity to see the reasons why the other people thought the way they did. They were still wrong of course, but not as wrong as you originally thought.

I now try to read papers online from other cities, provinces and countries so that I can get a more balanced view of the things that interest me. It is all propaganda, but somewhere in the middle is the truth if you take the time to find it.

I’m not sure the search is worth the effort, but we can’t trust that the information coming to us disguised as “NEWS” is truth. I don’t have an answer; maybe go back in time to when news outlets knew the difference between right and wrong.

Thursday 10 March 2016

Dead and Aging Rock Stars

Here I sit, listening to music that was popular five decades ago and from what I can tell; it is still as popular as it ever was. Weird!

It isn’t odd at all that I am listening to this music, what is strange is that the young people of today find it appealing. When I was younger and forced to listen to my mom and dad’s music, I couldn’t wait to get out of the house. Anything was preferable to the big band music that came out of the mono system we had at home. I eventually came to like a lot of that music, and grudgingly admit that most of it was timeless. Good music is simply that, good music.

When I am by myself though, and want to get mellow, give me music from the 60’s and 70’s. Part of the attraction for me is that the music takes me back in time to when I had a life in front of me and the dreams were still possibilities. Some dreams remained dreams, some became reality and through it all, the music tied the dreams and reality together into a good life.

I wonder if every generation is the same. Five decades from now will there be an old guy sitting at a keyboard listening to hip hop and rap artists promising a better life if you “kill whitey”? Will Kanye be praised as a musical genius or will he have faded into oblivion where he belongs. I suspect that like my generation, the music that will make that future old man smile will be the pop hits of his day because it will tie him to the memories of his youth and the dreams he had that may or may not have come to pass.

I just love sitting here listening to the youthful songs of the dead and aging rock stars that defined my generation.

Have a good day…and listen to something that makes you smile.

Tuesday 8 March 2016

An Unpleasant Aberration

I consider myself a normal kind of guy. Millions of people are like me, just a regular, run of the mill type. Nothing special.

I want to stress regular. Those with sensitive constitutions might want to click on the little red “X” at the top right and come back in a day or two.

I have never concerned myself with the foods I put in my mouth and for the most part, life has treated me pretty well. I don’t remember that constipation has ever been a problem for me. Sure, the odd time I went a few days without making boom-boom, but that was mostly due to being in some place with a toilet I don’t feel comfortable with.

I could never live in a country where the toilet is a hole in the floor. Aside from the fact that my aim is questionable at best, squatting has never worked well for me. I remember when I was very little, one of my first memories, I was on a golf course with my dad and I had to go. He sent me into the woods, assuming that I meant I had to pee, but the reality was much different and I ended up leaving my underwear behind a tree on the seventh hole. It was a defining moment of my life and I have never forgotten. Many years later, I had to squat on a Vancouver Island beach but I had performance anxiety even though there was no one within two miles. There is a tree near Tsocowis Creek that can thank me for the fertilizer and I thank the tree for something to prop my back against when I needed it most.

However, if I “know” the toilet I won’t have any difficulty. As I said, I am just a regular kind of guy. Maybe I can expect to have more problems as I get older and my body is wearing down. I don’t think I have over used that part of me, but I don’t really have anything to compare myself to. A buddy of mine in high school once estimated the number of times he would crap in his life. He took an average of 12 times a week X 52 weeks X 76 years = 47,424. Thanks for that benchmark Don. Personally I would be under that figure, but I don’t know anything about the wear and tear on the human sphincter. I figure I should still be good for many years to come.

Well, until this morning. The only way I can describe it is that I think I pushed a whole pineapple out. I don’t remember eating anything with thorns or sharp edges on it, but perhaps I was sleep eating and swallowed a Rubik’s Cube whole. I did have some popcorn yesterday, but I lubricated that with some pudding.

I am going to chalk this morning up to an unpleasant aberration which will never repeat itself. If I have anything to say about it, we will only ever have canned pineapple in this house!

Monday 7 March 2016


I keep waiting for winter to come but so far winter has passed us by.

I'm okay with that, but I know the farmers could use some snow to bring needed moisture to their fields and the local ski resort is barely hanging on by a thread. The stores that sell snow shovels, snow brushes and snow blowers have taken a serious hit. The same is true for clothing stores that are now stuck with warehouses full of what will be “last years” styles. Not to mention all of the gloves, scarves and boots; which won’t sell until next year. I feel for the retailers and anyone that relies on winter to make a living.

There is a lot of snow in the mountains, so the resorts there have done pretty well this winter. With the pathetic Canadian dollar, the mountains have been inundated by American tourists that like the idea of a whole country at 30% off. The mailmen and anyone who works out of doors have had a banner year and the city snow removal budget has saved millions which they can put to use next year when we get double the amount of snow. Possibly. I haven’t used the snow brush on the car at all this winter. All in all, it has been a good winter for some of us.

Oh, I have heard the negative Nellies telling me that we will pay for the nice winter with a colder than usual summer. Summer in Calgary pretty much sucks on the best of years, so bring it on!

Of course there is the fear that this crazy weather is the result of global climate change which mankind has caused by centuries of neglect. I wouldn’t be surprised if that is true, but if it is true, then there is precious little we can do about it. There are a lot of little Dutch boys sticking their fingers in holes trying to stop the problem, but big industry needs to make a bigger profit every year don’t you know. I suspect that we are too little, too late.

The good news is that the planet has bounced back from disaster before. Of course 99% of the animal life was destroyed and this time will be the first time a species was aware in advance of their imminent destruction. Should be exciting! I hope that it happens far in the future to descendants that I have not and will not ever meet.

Maybe we humans will come to our senses, work together and make the effort needed to reverse the ecological damage and save our planet.


Saturday 5 March 2016

Turn a Cork

I don’t have much to say today and haven’t had a lot to say recently. Sorry for that.

I haven’t been feeling 100%, physically or mentally. I just don’t seem to be able to motivate myself. There are pains that keep telling me that I need to be poked and prodded by someone with a medical degree. I am one of those guys that would rather not hear bad news even though the news may be good. Early next week I will make the appointment.

I have been working on making pop guns for Hurricane and Tornado, but the cork sizing has been giving me a bit of a challenge. The plunger isn’t cooperating either, but I will get to that once the corks are in line. The difficulty with the corks is that I have wine bottle corks and I need corks about half that size. No matter how careful I am, I just can’t carve the corks perfectly round, even with my 100 grit knife. That is why the parts have been sitting on the workbench for a couple of weeks. I have been waiting for inspiration or a hidden stash of tiny corks.
Tonight I was checking out Youtube videos on wood turning and after watching a guy turn 2 ½ inch wooden balls I got to wondering if I could turn corks. It turns out that not only is it possible, but people do it all the time to make handles for fishing rods. Who knew?

Tomorrow I will see if I can turn a cork the size that I need. Should be fun!

Wednesday 2 March 2016

Arms Like a Gorilla

Okay, I’m an old guy and may not be completely up to date on the ins and outs of social media. I’m not completely ignorant (let’s call that Trump ignorant); I know just enough to get by (Goldilocks ignorant). I have no idea at all why anyone uses Twitter, Instagram, Tumbler or Vine. I’m sure there are a many more that I don’t know anything at all about or even that they exist. I’m also sure that those that use these social media sites just couldn’t live without checking them every three or four minutes. I’m the same way when I think my zipper is at half mast.

I am frequently on Facebook and I do get a kick out of it most of the time. I don’t take it seriously and I find it fascinating what information and photos people post. The other day, one of my “friends” indicated that her world was about to collapse and one of the comments from someone close was a stern warning NOT to ‘like” the posting. OMG!!! I thought the worst of course, injured child, deadly disease, car crash, divorce, death in the family or any number of things that my fertile imagination could come up with.

I didn’t “like” the posting, but I do wish there was a button I could click on that would say “You can tell me, I won’t tell a soul and when I do, I’ll make them promise not to tell anyone. Honest!” I never did find out what the hell happened, and probably never will. It seems that life is back to normal for my friend and her facebook postings. I can only assume that someone burnt the toast or had a wet fart. Both can be solved by scraping the offensive crust off.

Another thing I don’t get is the “selfie” craze. Yes, it is nice to have a picture of yourself in front of the Eiffel Tower, with Matt Damon and a snap or two with your friends. Just a hint, no one cares that you are in a bar or a restaurant; people do that shit every day. People also hang out with their friends every day. Stop taking the same picture of yourself every week and using it as your “Profile” picture, fishing for compliments, which you get from the same people every week.

Oh and why oh why do you take your picture in the bathroom? I am aware that bathrooms have big mirrors so you can get that full body shot. Don’t forget it is a full body shot with a toilet in the back ground. You are lovely, and the bathroom is nice and clean, I am more concerned about why you need validation from strangers. Maybe call up a real friend and have a few laughs over coffee and talk to them about the issues that are bothering you. I’m pretty sure others are feeling the same way as you do.

Facebook and the other forms of social media can be entertaining, but none of it is real, not really. Oh, and unless you have arms like a gorilla you just can’t get the phone far enough away to get a decent picture.