Thursday 26 March 2020

Human Magpie

I guess that I am a human Magpie. That is a little disturbing because as a general rule I kinda hate magpies. I don’t wish them dead…yes I do, what’s a few million less pests in the world. That’s probably what Covid 19 fans are saying right now.

When I say that I am like a magpie I mean that I just can’t resist small shiny things. I see a bit of wire, a washer, nut, broken cell phone, cool looking hunk of glass, of course nickels and dimes and I can’t stop myself from picking them up. A few years ago I needed a couple of washers for a project that I was working on and when I went to Rona they wanted 11¢ for each one. What the hell! How much can a washer cost to make and market? I guess 11cents. From that moment on I refuse to step over any piece of hardware on principle. The principle is that I am cheap.

Most of the things I pick up find their way into a box, jar or tin can which is then put out of sight until I need a washer, nut or bolt. Then, after two hours of going through many random containers I come to the realization that I will have to make a trip to Rona. Yes, I did waste time, but I might have saved myself 11¢.

This Corona virus is really impacting my inner Magpie. For one thing, there is less trash being tossed out of car windows because there are fewer trashy people driving on the roads. That is a good thing for the environment I guess but there isn’t much to see. The other problem I am having is that even if there is something interesting that I see, I dare not pick it up. What if one of those trashy people decided to lick a washer, nut or bolt and then toss it out the window. How would I know if he/she were clear of Covid 19 virus. I am trying to stay healthy like everyone in the world.

If I got sick I don’t want to have to explain to the doctor or nurse that I probably caught the virus when I picked up a shiny bit of metal off the road and then touched my face. Yes, I kissed the washer! It is like finding one and a tenth of a dime! How could I not?


I have to say goodbye to my inner Magpie for the duration of this worldwide epidemic. Who is suffering more than me? Sure, millions of sick people, the doctors, nurses, truck drivers, teachers, students that will miss the last couple of months of school, supermarket employees, anyone that owns or works in a restaurant or really anyone that is working at all and of course Louise. I’m suffering more than some retired people.

Sucks to be me!

Tuesday 24 March 2020

I Get Bored Walking Around The House

So yesterday, just another day in the Covid 19 era. Checked for anything new or interesting on the internet, listened to a few videos, went for a walk, checked the internet for anything new or interesting, puttered around down in the basement, checked out to see what the weather was like on the Weather Channel, checked the internet for anything new or interesting, walked around the house, read, looked out the window and of course I checked the internet for anything new or interesting.

I am starting to notice a pattern of sorts. Speaking of patterns, when I was checking out the internet I stumbled upon designs for making my own face mask. I know what you might be thinking, “Ken you idiot don’t you know that facemasks aren’t very useful especially the kind that you would make at home.” Okay, valid point, but if I made my own I would have a face mask and I could wear it around the house and when I look out the window which would freak the neighbours out. I already made a Zorro type mask, but it doesn’t keep viruses away, only Spanish overlords. I will put the mask idea on hold for now.

In one of the walks around the house I noticed there were two partial bowls of grapes that were wrinkled and ready for the compost. Earlier I had been staring into the freezer wondering if a tub of ice cream would magically appear when I noticed a baggie filled with some of last years rhubarb crop. It is about this time each year when I toss the frozen baggies of rhubarb into the compost bin. Who needs freezer burnt rhubarb when in a month or so there will be a new crop poking up from the ground? For over a year now there has been a one pound bag of Demerara sugar in the basement that was more cement like than sugar like. I have been thinking for months that I should toss it into the compost bin but thought “What if a global pandemic hits and I need rock hard Demerara sugar to survive?” Needless to say it is better to be safe than sorry.

It is said that if life gives you lemons then you should make lemonade. Well, I didn’t have lemons but I did have wrinkled grapes, some freezer burnt rhubarb and plenty of rock hard Demerara sugar, so I made jam. I have made jam in the past with rhubarb and strawberry combinations and even made some grape jam (it didn’t turn out so well) so I have all the equipment needed for the operation. God knows I had the time.

Fast forward and hour or so and I now have three jars of what we are calling Raisin-Rhubarb jam. Louise and I both licked a spoon and it tasted pretty good. Really anything that is half sugar can’t be all bad. Louise did mention that it had a subtle taste of raisins and after trying it on toast I have to agree with her. Not an unpleasant taste, but it reminds me of days before I was born when people made do with what was on hand. Perhaps we should call it the Corona 19 Raisin-Rhubarb jam. There is a product that people will avoid in droves.

Will I do it again?…probably not unless I get bored walking around the house.