Friday 31 August 2012

Why Do You Want To Know

I got one of those emails today that tell you to forward this email on within six minutes and you will have good fortune. There were a lot of “how to live your life” things attached to this email and I am pretty sure that I went past the six minutes. There is a very good chance that I may not have good fortune. This email wanted me to forward it on and the more people I sent it to then my good fortune would increase exponentially.

I pretty much just delete these kinds of emails. I feel bad about it sometimes because I usually get them from people I like and they obviously like me enough to want me to have good fortune. Either that or they are trying to boost their numbers and therefore boost the good luck coming their way. What if I don’t forward it on and they have shitty luck? What if all of the bad shit that happens to my friends happen because I didn’t send that damned email? What if they can trace just which of the people they wished happiness and good fortune to, just fucked them over?

I can’t stand the pressure! God, I just went to write “stand” and I wrote “satan”. That can’t be a good omen. Pretty much anything where the name “satan” is involved is bad. Okay, just don’t send me any of those things anymore. Don’t send me those emails anymore, you are driving me crazy. Maybe that’s why I haven’t won the lotto yet or why I can’t lose weight. Just STOP! My life is pretty good and obviously yours will be better if I am not one of your go to guys.

So, this email had a list of things that will make your life be better. If I follow the list I am thinking I don’t have to worry about forwarding the email. Sayings like “Talk slowly, think quickly” and “When you lose, don’t lose the lesson”. There were enough of them that put me past the six minute mark. I liked most of them, but I really liked the one that said “When someone asks you a question that makes you uncomfortable just smile and say; why do you want to know?”

I have trouble dealing with people that ask those uncomfortable questions. You know the kind; they ask you how much you make or how much did your car cost. There are a lot of people that just seem to need to know all about your finances. It is really none of their fucking business and from now on I am just going to smile and say “Why do you want to know?” Let’s put them on the hot seat for a change.

The next time a cop pulls me over and asks me if I know how fast I was going, I am going to smile and say “Why do you want to know?” When someone asks me what I want for my birthday, I am going to smile and say “Why do you want to know?” When Louise asks me what I would like for dinner, I am going to smile and say “Why do you want to know?” When someone asks me why I spend my time writing this stupid blog, I am going to smile and say “Why don’t you go and fuck a duck?”

This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received... Hope it works for you -- and me!
You have 6 minutes  
There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This has been sent To you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so Far.
Do not keep this message.  
This must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO ... Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR . When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
... Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN.. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE . Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. ...  In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
Don't judge people by their relatives.
Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN.  When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN.  Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk..
FIFTEEN.  Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson !
SEVENTEEN.  Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN..  Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship..
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone.. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
Now, here's the FUN part!  
Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve.  
1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.  
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.  
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks  
15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart Do not keep this message
This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received.. Hope it works for you -- and me!

You have 6 minutes

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