Sunday 5 August 2012

Food Chain

Sometimes I wonder how the human race managed to avoid all of those predators that were faster, stronger, had longer teeth, claws and in many ways were smarter than we were. I have to assume the humans of the past knew some crazy, mad fighting techniques, or quickly learned how to build animal proof shelters. I suppose that fire played a role, but if people back then were anything like the people living now, the doofus that was supposed to keep the fire burning all night would have fallen asleep or went off into the bushes with his sweetie pie, forgetting all about the fire.

You know what I think? Well, I think that the reason we survived is that we stunk and I would wager that we don’t taste very good either. I have ridden on the Toronto subway at rush hour, so I can tell you for certain that we stink. Now, as for the tasting bad part, I really don’t have any hard data to back that up other than the fact that we as a species don’t often eat each other. Yes, there have been famous cases of cannibalism, the Donner Party (spell check changed “Donner” to “Dinner”), the Uruguayan rugby team that crashed in the Andes, but most of those were in do or die situations. There is a history of victors eating a part of an enemy to gain his fighting prowess in many tribes throughout the world at various times throughout history.

I don’t even want to mention the whack-a-doodle crazies that kill people and eat their victims.They should be fed to pigs if and when they are caught. I’d pay to see that. We could toss in politicians after they have served eight years, just for fun.

I don’t know how, but we are here and seem to be at the top of the food chain, but I have no desire to explain that to a hungry pride of lions while on safari in Africa. Friends of mine just went on one of those trips and from what they have reported back, it was and is a great time. I am happy they are happy, but I didn’t like it when a Chihuahua with an attitude would take a dislike to me while I was delivering mail. Some of the bugs in Africa are larger than a Chihuahua, and there are wild dogs, hyenas, cats big and small that need to be worried about. Let’s not forget the passive, herbivores that aren’t interested in eating you but could crush you if and when they set their tiny little minds to it. They say that an elephant never forgets. What the hell does he have to remember? Chew grass…walk over to more grass…chew grass…walk over and crush human...

We did manage to survive, but for some inexplicable reason we are terribly interested in death. Ever since Bram Stoker wrote Dracula it has never gone out of style, and now with the upsurge of Vampire love in movies and on TV, the undead are making a comeback. I suppose that is the idea of the undead still living. I was watching a movie and they were talking about Voodoo and of course Zombies.

I don’t believe in Voodoo and Zombies! I don’t disbelieve in Voodoo and Zombies, but that is just covering my ass just in case. I did find a site that I believe in. .They had me with “donuts”. Seriously, I have trouble with the whole Zombie idea, but who am I to argue with a billion Catholics?

After all, wasn’t Jesus a Zombie?

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