Thursday, 16 July 2015

There is Always September

I am pretty sure I have written about this before, but since it still bothers me then obviously I have some unresolved issues.

I am a retired mailman, so it goes without saying that I spent a good part of every work day going from one house to the next. Technically, we were supposed to use the sidewalks and walkways to move from house to house. If I were to walk across a person’s lawn I could save ten, twenty or thirty steps which translated into an hour of time by the end of the day which I could spend at home. It was a no brainer what I did whenever it was possible. If someone had a beautiful lawn or just preferred that I not walk across the lawn then I would use the sidewalks. I would hate the bastard for years and wished him an early death, but I did respect his wishes. Well, unless I was in a hurry.

There were certain neighbourhoods that I didn’t like to work in because they were older and the people were more established in their lives, having more time and discretionary income to plant a hedge or put up a fence between the houses. Both caused me to use the sidewalks and broke up the rhythm of my day. I disliked fences but I hated hedges! Maybe because hedges started small and eventually became impossible to step over or push through. Most mailmen that I knew disliked hedges; it was one of those universal truisms.

Now, having established that I hate hedges, I live in a house that has hedges on both sides of the yard. I didn’t plant them! No siree! They are the neighbour’s hedges. However, the neighbours that planted these hedges have long since moved away and the new owners of the properties think that a hedge will trim itself. I have been reluctantly trimming the hedge about twice a year for about thirty years now. I don’t do a good job and I keep hoping that somehow I will “accidentally” kill the hedge off. Actually, I keep hoping that one or both of the neighbours will trim the hedge just once before I die. I have at times throughout the years told the neighbours that the hedge belongs to them, but I guess they assume that if they wait long enough some bozo will cut the hedge. They are right.

Tonight, I had to do it again. Both neighbours are useless bags of flesh and there is no chance either one will cut the hedge. They hardly cut their lawns and if not for city fines, the one neighbour would never get any yard work done at all. I did my normal shitty job, but it still looks a hundred times better than it did. I will do it again towards the end of September and that will be it for another year.

Every time I cut it, I tell myself that I will just cut the top and my side, leaving their sides to grow unchecked for years and years, eventually encasing the homes in a twisted, labyrinth of dead and rotting vegetation. Every time I tell myself that only an asshole would do that and it only takes a few extra minutes. Every time I grumble and give the “stink eye” to the houses while I am cutting. Oh well, what are you going to do?


I can hope things change for the best…there is always September.

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