Real Problems

I don’t know if I am a happy person or not. I do find sadness from time to time, but happiness is just around the corner when and if I care to look. I think they balance each other out, but then what am I left with?

I tend to be the happiest when I am busy doing. Doing nothing specific, but using some of the knowledge I have picked up during my life and sometimes learning new things. I’m not really very smart, but I do have my moments. I suppose I am the saddest when I am by myself wondering if my life has mattered. It matters not what others say or think, they aren’t me and they won’t have to answer for an unproductive life. That lies completely on my shoulders.

I felt sad tonight, not for myself, but for a stranger in the 7/11. Many years ago I had the same feeling when delivering mail. I met a guy outside of one of those money stores that seem to be popping up all over lately. He looked very sad and a little angry. I asked him if he was alright and he just shook his head. He told me that his mother died yesterday in Nova Scotia and he didn’t have enough money to get home for her funeral. He had tried to float a loan at the money store, but he didn’t have anything of value to put up as collateral. He just started a job so he couldn’t get an advance on his wages.

His eyes were watering by this time and I just didn’t know what to say to him. I told him that if I had the cash I would give it to him, but I just didn’t. He just shook his head and started walking away. I called out that he might try social services, but he already had and getting home to bury your dead mother wasn’t a good use of government funds. I watched him walk away and my eyes were watering. Life often isn’t fair or just.

Tonight in the 7/11 the fellow ahead of me was buying a coffee and two packs of cigarettes using a credit card. The clerk told him that the card was declined. He backed away from the counter and made a call on his cell phone. I went ahead and made my purchase while he mumbled to someone on the other end of the phone. I didn’t talk to him and for all I know he just entered the wrong PIN number for that card. It reminded me of that poor fellow from so many years ago and sadness has crept into me again.

I will soon be happy again and until then, I will thank whatever being is running this section of the universe that my trials are minor compared to so many others who have real problems.