Monday, 23 July 2012

Slap Around An Elf


Why is it that the very moment that you need something, that is the precise time that it becomes invisible? Now, I don’t actually believe that it really does become invisible, which would be silly. It would go a long way to explain why I have trouble finding things.

The way that I see invisibility (or don’t see it actually) is that it could be many things. To be invisible, an object has to allow all light to travel through without any particles reflecting off of it at all. There are many instances of transparency, but there are no objects in nature that are totally transparent. Well, none that we can see anyways.

Personally I think the definition should encompass objects that blend in to their surroundings. There are an assortment of plant and animals that have developed a natural camouflage which allows them to blend into the surroundings so that they won’t be eaten. These are usually pretty small creatures, because the very large and vicious animals don’t really need to hide. I think I would be able to see an elephant in the living room no matter how well he was camouflaged. Mind you, if it were really well done I don’t suppose I would know one way or the other.
 
You can start getting science fictiony and bring on the whole alternate dimension thing. If a being could freely travel from one dimension to the other instantaneously then he would in fact disappear or become invisible. He would still be visible in the other dimension, but invisible in this one. It could be a problem if he were to appear in front of a pride of very hungry dimension 2 lions. Oh, he would disappear for sure, but not in a good way. Well, unless you were one of the hungry lions.
 
I have noticed that you can actually be invisible in a crowd. You need to be plain and it helps to have someone very beautiful or famous on the other side of the room to draw everyone’s attention. We don’t notice service people as a rule, they blend in with the landscape after a while, and I have noticed that whenever I need a sales associate in the Home Hardware they all seem to disappear. I had a supervisor that could disappear whenever you had a safety concern or needed any kind of decision what so ever. Thanks Kemmner.
 
I don’t want to get into the elves, fairies and leprechauns, mainly because they are mean, vindictive little bastards. You slap around an elf for fun, pull the wings off of a couple of fairies or steal a leprechaun’s pot of gold and you’d think the world was coming to an end. Not that I ever did any of those things, but I know a guy… I wonder if one of those little pricks has hidden that pay stub I am looking for? Time to slap around an elf or two I guess.

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