Saturday 30 June 2012

Really Small


Did you ever wish that you were really, really small?
 
I have often thought how great it would be to have a whole new world to explore. Just think if somehow the entire human population of the earth were to shrink by about 1 1/2th, we would be around six inches tall. Well, except for the short people and they would probably still be complaining. I’d be almost six inches tall, but since I am getting to be an older gentleman, I am shrinking while my ears and unwanted body hair is growing. Who knows how tiny I will get eventually.
 
I’ll admit that the transition stage would be difficult, but just think of the benefits if that were to happen. We would no longer have a food shortage. A bowl of rice would feed a village for a month. Just a catch and release sized fish would stock a grocery store. One carrot would keep a family in vitamin A for the year. Our food problems would be a thing of the past.
 
The raw materials that we need for our way of life would now be available in abundance. No one would have to go into mines for the foreseeable future, as anything that might be needed is just lying around in giant sized piles. We could get all of our raw materials from the city dumps. There would no longer be unemployment, because everything would have to be rebuilt. You couldn’t very well live in your old house, because just going down the stairs would be an all day affair.
 
Yes, I know there is a down side. Everything that you own would be useless now. Even a smart car or a mini would be just too large to safely drive. Mind you, that would mean no cops to give you a ticket if you did somehow manage to get the car running. We could drive those cool remote control cars, helicopters and boats. Hell, we could fly in a paper airplane! Wow, you could ride an eagle. Well, you could if it didn’t eat you first.

I think Buster and I would still be best friends, but I wouldn’t pick up his shit any more. Talk about your giant sized piles. I bet he would let me ride him, and believe me it would be something to tear across the countryside on his back. The animals would still be their normal size which would help feed the billions of tiny humans. I’m not sure how we would go about milking a cow, but I imagine it would involve both arms and legs wrapped around a massive teat and squeezing as hard as you could. Your friends could have warm milk showers. Hmmmmm…That wouldn’t feel good at all.
 
Cats would be a problem. You just know that they have been waiting until the time was right to revolt. Those suckers would eat a full sized human if they could get away with it; I shudder to think what they would do to a six inch human. No, it would be best if we got rid of them before we shrunk. Maybe put them all in Australia. It’s a weird breeding ground already.

Birds are a problem too, but so far I don’t have a good solution. I’m not even talking about the wild birds. Chickens and turkeys freak me out now, I can’t imagine what terror I would be in if they were the size of a house. Eeeewwww!!!!
 
You know, I think there just might be too many insurmountable problems with the idea. Just forget I mentioned it.


1 comment:

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