Friday 1 June 2012

Boring Day

It’s possible that I had the most boring day of my life today. I know what you are thinking, “How can he remember one boring day out of all the boring days that he must have had in his life?” Well, you do have a point, but this one was right in contention.

Sure, most days for my first year would have been pretty boring. Eat, sleep, shit…eat, sleep, shit…eat, sleep, cry, shit…eat, sleep, shit was the routine I followed. I will admit it would have been incredibly boring, but since I don’t remember it, I really can’t count it. I had Mono when I was a teenager and slept for a couple of days straight, but again I don’t remember it so how can it count.

When I was about 8 or 10 or 12, I went on a fishing holiday with my buddy Mike and his family to Wheredafuckisthis Quebec. We stayed in this fishing camp that would have embarrassed the guys from Deliverance. There was no power of course and not surprisingly it smelled like dead and decaying fish. There was a store of sorts that sold worms, slugs, frogs, flies and larvae, some essential fishing gear and even some very old chocolate bars. It didn’t matter how old they were, because I didn’t have any spending money anyways.

The cool thing was that we had our own boat and I figured if we got bored then we could explore the islands in the lake, chase down water birds and even go swimming. The thing about people that like fishing that I failed to understand was that they thought that fishing was endlessly entertaining. Yeah…I know! We didn’t even catch very many fish. To rectify that we, and by “we” I mean Mikes mom and dad decided to take the boats forty miles up the lake and see is the fish were biting there. So, get up at dawn and drive forty miles to a place where the boats were stashed and watch Mike’s mom and dad take off for the day leaving us stranded in quite literally the middle of nowhere. This was before I could drink coffee, smoke cigarettes or masturbate. That was a pretty boring couple of weeks, but there were highlights of catching the odd fish, chasing birds and the scenery was really breath taking.

My highlight today was dropping the books off at the library and going to buy a lotto ticket only to find the booth closed. Today was my training day for the volume count I am doing at the Post Office for the next couple of weeks. I have done it more than a few times before, so I pretty much know the drill. There were new people there, so it is always a good idea to listen in and get a reminder of what is involved.

The training demonstration should have taken about ten minutes, but we were still there an hour and a half later listening to the same information that they had been talking about over and over and over. How many times can you say the exact same thing and keep it interesting? ONCE! I finally worked my way to the edge of the crowd and left.

Now, as boring as that was, and truly it is hard to conceive of anything any more boring, I was headed over to my son’s house and it would prove you should never, ever, never ever think that it can’t possibly get any worse.

He and his wife were having the garage pad poured today and since they live just down the street from a high school they thought that it might be prudent to have someone there to keep the riff raff from scratching their initials into the brand new garage floor.

Yes, I was that someone and I spent the afternoon watching concrete dry.

No kids came by to scratch their names on the floor, no neighbours drove by on their way to the store, and even their dog Finn, who is normally what I would call certifiable nutdoodle, didn’t even make a sound. By the second hour, I would have not only welcomed some juvenile delinquents, I’d have given them some stout sticks and helped them come up with unique swear words.

Time seems to go much more slowly when you watch the clock, and unfortunately I wore a watch today.

Tonight I am going to do something much more interesting, watch TV!


  1. I like the word 'nutdoodle' very much. Very creative and original. I will use that word.

  2. What a boring blog tonight! B