Friday, 15 June 2012

Paid In Pretend Money


I was waiting in line at the coffee shop today when a woman walked by me and I couldn’t help but smell her. Not in a creepy, perverted way, at least I don’t think so, but more in a ‘Why don’t they make these doorways bigger?’ kind of way. So, when this woman passed by I didn’t smell “Channel #5” or “Kardassian Krap”, but the rather distinctive smell of ‘Play-Doh’.
 
There is nothing wrong with Play-Doh, it is even safe to eat, but I have never smelt it on a woman in one of my coffee shops. She could have been a mom with small kids, or a day care worker, for all I know there might be a Play-Doh factory somewhere in Calgary. Those are the options that we could all get behind and be happy with. There is a darker and more insidious explanation. It is possible that she is trying to attract a certain kind of man. Perhaps a man of younger years that might be trying to recapture his youth, or a guy that is really immature. There are a lot of women that seem attracted to immaturity. Who knows? Like I said, she just passed me in the doorway and I thought I would share.

I have been going to Physiotherapy for a few weeks now and it has sort of gotten into a rhythm of sorts. I go in and pay, he checks to see if there is any improvement from the last time, puts some vibrating things on my shoulder with heat, does some muscle manipulation and then sends me to the gym for exercises. I come back and he does some acupuncture, after which I go home.

During the vibrating things and the acupuncture I have to sit for ten or fifteen minutes each. This gives me a chance to do what I like to do the best, listen to other people and their problems. Once I heard a woman talking about hurting her shoulder while she was dragging a body. I began to think that even hit men/women must strain muscles every now and then when they need to “clean up” after themselves. Bodies can be really heavy; I guess that is why they call it “dead weight”. I saw this “hit woman” when I was leaving, and she was in an army uniform, which meant that either she didn’t want to be spotted or that she was in the army. I guess the army makes more sense, but I would still like to know why she was dragging a body.
 
Today there was a woman in the next booth that was explaining to the therapist about her repetitive motion injury. She said that she wasn’t making as much jewellery and had stopped making chain mail completely. Making chain mail? WTF? Who the hell makes chain mail these days? I know that there is the Society of Creative Anachronism http://www.sca.org/ and there is a market for chain mail with them, but how much do they really need. I can’t imagine how much chain mail this woman must make to have caused a repetitive strain injury.
 
I was listening to her and all that I could think of was that if only I knew how to make chain mail I could take advantage of her infirmity. Yes, I realize that would be a pretty slimy thing to do, but I have been looking for a part time job and really, how could you beat this. It would be worth it just to be able to put Chain Mail Maker or “Chain Mailer” as an occupation in next years tax return. The market would be limited to people who pretend they live in the middle ages. I wonder if I would get paid in pretend money.  

 

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