Saturday 23 June 2012

Touching My Tongue to the Electrodes

I have noticed that some of the words in my blogs are high lighted. Some third party, slug buggerer, is making money by inserting adds into random Blogs. Sorry about this, and I will try to stop it if I can. 

It seems as if I have been working on getting a computer working for the last six months. Oh, wait…I have been! No, in case you are interested (I am fast losing interest, so why shouldn’t you?) I am not done by a long shot. I have both computers working, but I feel like the little Dutch boy with my fingers and toes stuck in holes trying to stop all of the leaks. I know it is just a matter of time before I am buried beneath the dike. Good times for me…

I planted some dill today, but I’m not sure whether it will grow to maturity or not. If Buster has his way, he will either kill it by laying down on it or digging one of his random holes. What the hell is it with dogs and digging holes? It isn’t as if they are particularly deep or in an even remotely interesting place. I keep trying to make sense of the actions of a being with a brain the size of a walnut which is an effort in futility. This is a dog that takes a crap, smells it and then smells his butt to see if it came from the same place. Idiot dog!

I have chicken wire blocking off the entire garden so that shit for brains doesn’t lay down on the baby plants, it would also be nice if he didn’t piss on my food. I know, that is asking way too much. I have given thought to hooking up an electric charge to the chicken wire. It would probably work, but the problem is that I will eventually forget about the electric fence and fry myself. Don’t misunderstand; I wouldn’t be pissing on the fence or the plants! So, there will be no electric fence for reasons of self preservation.

I did notice that Princess Auto sells cattle prods for about $40. It only takes two “C” cell batteries and for the price, how can you go wrong. I could use it on the dog of course, but there are so many other uses. I wouldn’t hesitate to fry a cat, but they are too smart and too quick for me. It would be almost impossible to use on a bird (Magpie), because you would have to hold the bird and if you actually had it in your hand why wouldn’t you just wring its little neck?  No sense depriving yourself of those little joys in life.

I am thinking that it would be great for Christmas shopping and creating a path through the malls. Well, I guess you could use it on the department store Santa too as a reminder for him not to fuck up like he did last year. It would be good for negotiating a discount on that “must have” toy with the pimply faced kid from Toys-R-Us.

I am also thinking it would be pretty good to take to the dentist. You hurt me, I hurt you! Kind of like playing poker and all of the players have their guns on the table. I have actually wanted one for quite some time, but I will never get one. I know that if I had one, it would only be a matter of time before I touched my tongue to the electrodes and fried my brain. Quite frankly, I need the few remaining brain cells.

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