Friday 2 September 2011

The Younger The Better

I can barely raise my left arm past the horizontal. My right elbow feels as if has been crushed in a vice. I can’t seem to focus my eyes for any length of time. My head seems to be filled to capacity with chopped brown paper. I am having problems walking because my hip joints seem to have lost all lubrication. My scalp itches because of that damned commercial and I can’t lift my hands high enough to scratch. I seem to have developed an ingrown toenail, and the rest of my body is riddled with various and sundry aches and pains.

No, I am not constipated, but spent the day looking after my grandsons Hurricane and Tornado. All that I can smell is shit, and I can only hope that it isn’t mine. That is a small consolation. The house is a wreck and I will be finding little odd bits and bites for days in the strangest of places. Both of them refused many opportunities to sleep, and all that I could think of was how nice it will be to sleep.

I have stepped on so many sharp edged blocks and toys that my feet are throbbing as if I were a cartoon character. Stepping on the various pieces of food that got tossed on the floor did seem to help a little.

What kind of sick bastards write those cartoons? Harry and his bucket of dinosaurs, the Backyardigans, Dora the explorer, Go Diego Go, Mike the Knight and Rolie Polie Olie kind of make you want to puke. I do have some interest in Miss Spiders Sunny Patch, but that is because I have a dirty mind. Really, what kind of sick bastard writes this crap? I really feel for the moms and dads that watch this day after day. I guess I could have played games with them, but they have no respect for rules at all. Much like their grandmother.

We went out to two different playgrounds and went to view what the local auction had for sale. A guy started a motorcycle just to test it and Hurricane nearly shit his pants. I think Tornado did. Mind you, Tornado pretty much shit continuously all day. One of the playgrounds was perfect for the older one, but nothing for Tornado to do but chew on cigarette butts. The other one was good for Tornado but nothing interested hurricane but the gigantic hill right beside it. Again, what sick bastard puts a steepish hill next to a playground? Hurricane decided that running down the hill (at that just before you lose control of your legs speed) was a great idea. Lucky for me it started to rain which got them to reluctantly get in the car.

It turns out that when I unloaded them I left the doors to the car wide open and left them that way for an hour or so. We get in the house and I shovel sugar into them as fast as I can and turn on Treehouse TV, my mind is mush, why shouldn’t theirs be?

All in all, a great day had by all and I will do it again in a second. Today just proved the point that you should definitely have kids when you are young, the younger the better.

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