Wednesday, 14 September 2011

I Am Sick Enough Already

Well, here I sit, sucking on a Halls, with a Neo-Citron and extra strength ASA buzz on.

I suppose that it was only a matter of time before I got sick again, but it would have been nice if it were later as opposed to sooner. I feel like crap, and since I was looking after Tornado a couple of weeks ago, I do know what crap feels like. I was fine on Monday and for the better part of Tuesday, but Tuesday night broke the seal on the mucus reservoir.

I blame the Post Office! If they hadn’t hired me to work for a couple of weeks, then I wouldn’t have sat in a cold draft all day yesterday. Since I am a temporary worker, there is no sick time. No work = No pay. I retired with about three hundred sick days built up; you would think that they would cut me some slack. Bastards!

Hopefully, after a good night’s sleep and copious amounts of over the counter drugs I will be around 63% to 67% come tomorrow morning. Keep your fingers crossed. I didn’t even have the strength to go up and buy a lotto ticket. Tonight was my night! Oh well, these things have a habit of coming around again.

On a totally different note, we were talking about strippers today. I was told that there is/was a woman that was deadly accurate with ping pong balls. If you weren’t paying attention to her, she would bounce one off of your head! How exactly do you get that good at something as odd as that? In the winter I try to hit telephone poles with snowballs, and although with practice I can get pretty good, I am no where near as good as this stripper. What does she put on her tax return? “I’m the ping pong ball stripper!” Weird!

Talking to people I kind of feel left out, as I have never been to a strip joint. That’s right, never in my life. I can remember my mom talking about going to the burlesque show on amateur night and how much fun it was. When I knew her she would go out to Bingo and sometimes she and dad would go to a movie. She said that it was hilarious, because the women that would get up to dance; generally had no talent at all. When I say talent I mean dance talent, just so that we are on the same page. She would break into gales of laughter when she told me of this woman that was the same age as her mom and somehow got tangled up in her dress, stumbling across the stage and eventually falling into the orchestra pit.

My kids have all been to the strippers, but for them it was mainly the cheap drinks and wild times. They would get their drunk on over here and then went to the “Rippers” in order to save a little cash. Louise has been and all of my friends as well.

You would think that I would feel a little empty for missing this particular rite of passage. Not so. The few times I have thought about strippers, I feel kind of pervy. Just sitting in a darkened bar with a bunch of serious, drooling men; watching women younger than my kids that have embarked on a career which has too many pitfalls to name. It is just wrong. For me!

If I am going to watch a woman get naked, I would like a woman that wants to watch me get naked. You can imagine how few women there are that fill that criteria. Women seem to have more fun watching men strip. They go in groups and hoot and holler, laughing and giggling all night. Well, so I am told.

Nope, I doubt that I will go to see a stripper in this lifetime, and I am good with that. I mean, really, I have internet access and I am sure that somewhere there is a site devoted to ping pong ball tossing strippers. Yep, there is...I just checked, but I don’t want to get a virus, I am sick enough already.

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