Wednesday, 28 September 2011

I Just Survived A Stroke

I’ve been retired for a while now, and it is far better than working for a living. Mind you, you do need to have some reason to get up in the morning, but fortunately I have never had a problem finding reasons.

I have my projects that I work at, and there are numerous reasons to meet people for coffee. I putter a lot. During the winter it is sufficient to just get up, look outside and say to myself “Those poor letter carriers that have to spend the day out in this crap!” I then treat myself to another cup of tea and sometimes turn the heat up just a degree or two. Most people think they know what it is like to be outside during the winter. They generally don’t have a clue! There is a big difference between working all day outside and getting into a car without heated seats. Even when they spend the day skiing or sledding, there is hidden somewhere inside them the knowledge that they can get inside and warm whenever they choose. Good luck to those that work outside this winter. I’ll drink a tea for you.

I like to get up in the morning to wish my wife a good day at work. Since she is still working, it is really the least that I can do. I really do hope that she has a fun day. Unfortunately, the mind is willing but the body is often weak. Often I just can’t drag myself out of bed. It is possibly due to the fact that I write this blog into the wee hours of the night. A while back I had a bad case of “Ican’tgetoutofbeditus” and I am pretty sure that Buster was holding the sheets down. Louise was gone from the bed and there wasn’t a sound in the house.

I could smell toast! SHIT! Now, I am not sure if you are aware of it or not, but sometimes just before you have a stroke you smell burnt toast. I was lying there not knowing if I had had a stroke or if Louise had toast for breakfast. I didn’t want to move, because it might bring on the stroke. I decided to start testing myself.

My head feels itchy. I wonder if your head would feel itchy during a stroke. I guess the first thing to do is to see if I can move my tongue. Would I know if my tongue moved if I had had a stroke? It is too late to do research now.  Next, I suppose I should bite the inside of my left cheek and then my right cheek. That really hurts! So far so good! I tried to move my right hand. YES! Now, for my left hand. Nothing! SHIT! No, wait, it is just pinned under my head. That’s lucky. I can’t move my legs! “Buster, get the fuck off of my legs!” Well, I have to move sometime, so I rolled over and sat on the edge of the bed. Okay, everything seems good. I am a little groggy though. Not more than any other morning however. I have to start going to bed earlier!

I walk out to the kitchen and sure enough, there are crumbs on a plate. Disaster averted! I look outside and say to myself “Poor bastards!” on my way back to the bedroom. On the way I just crank up the heat just a little. I wonder if I should tell Louise about this. I’ll give her a call, she will get a hoot out of it and she will have a fun day. You know, I will call her later. I can spend another few hours in bed today; after all I just survived a stroke!

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