Just Ask Me

I have noticed that even though you are right, sometimes it is best not to draw people’s attention to the fact that they are wrong and you are right.

I know a woman that uses far too much makeup which is bad enough, but she uses it incorrectly. When I see something that is as odd looking as this woman I always question if I am correct in my judgement. I checked a colour wheel and purple, green, black with a touch of yellow is just wrong. Less is best. However, when I told this woman that the circus doesn’t arrive for two months and they usually bring their own clowns, you wouldn’t believe the reaction! For a slight woman she could really pack a punch.

I met this couple recently that had their first baby. I am assuming it is their first, because if they had had another child they wouldn’t have gone on and on about how beautiful she was. Anyone with anywhere close to 20/20 vision or a pair of corrective lenses could see just how ugly the kid is. I can understand how the mother may have damaged her eyes what with the strain of childbirth, but her husband really didn’t have an excuse. For some reason everyone else kept the lie going about this hideous creatures “cute” appearance. I will admit that I may have made a social faux pas when I gave them a bunch of ripe bananas for their new monkey. Some people just can’t take a joke!

I have always been amazed how women will spend hours and hours buying shoes and still manage to bring home a pair that are not only ugly, but don’t fit. I have often heard a woman say “The shoes are great, but you can’t walk in them.” Huh? Now I am not a fashion guru, but the whole idea of shoes is to protect your feet from damage. Nope, they don’t make your calves look sexy! Men that find feet and calves sexy are perverts more than likely and you are better off not trying to attract them. I told one woman that she should wear boots whenever possible because her feet were just plain hideous. Whoever said that women were the gentle sex never met this woman.

It has been said that there is no right or wrong, everything just is. Well, I am here to tell you that I know right and there is a better than average chance that you are wrong.

Just ask me.