Sunday 15 May 2011

Cat Or Crazy

The wind blows and the dog barks. Could these two things be related? Normally I would say no, but when your dog is retarded this is exactly the kind of thing that happens. I could understand him barking if he was outside taking a leak (he had better be) and the wind blew his piss onto his fur. Nobody likes to lick urine off of fur. Well, cats don’t mind and I knew this guy in Toronto once, but both the guy and cats are crazy. That is the kind of day it is. Enough said.

I can remember being at our pre wedding party that was held on an acreage, in a house made out of a barn just east of Toronto. Still I rank that as one of the best parties that I had ever been to. Well, that I remember anyway. The house had been expropriated in order to build a new airport for Toronto and the plan had run into some snafu which meant that my buddy Ken could rent it for virtually nothing. The land couldn’t be used for anything else. Good deal! This was about thirty five years ago and they have yet to build that airport. I wonder if those homes are still being rented to deserving, low income party people?

I was outside smoking and drinking a beer at one point (yes, I can multi task) and decided that I would have to stop both and take a leak. It was dark and as I recall a moonless night so rather than go inside and wait for my turn I would just use nature’s men’s room. This house was on a hill and there was quite a strong wind. I had managed to light my cigarette by turning my back to the wind and cupping my hand around the match while sucking the flame in through the cigarette. I figured this method worked earlier so there was no reason I couldn’t use the same method to pee. Well, minus the cupping and sucking of course. I turned my back to the wind, undid the zipper and after fumbling in the dark for far too long when there are other guys around I managed to pee.

I was never good in school. I was especially bad in the sciences. However, I learned about aerodynamics that night on a hill in Ontario. Weight, lift and drag all played their part. It seems that when there is a stationary object (me) and a wind blowing past the stationary object, the air slows down, swirls and becomes turbulent. This effect causes a stream of fluid to spin back to where it originated. More urine hit my pants than the ground.

I know that nothing happens without a reason, but the reason I needed to have wet pants and smell like urine at a party still eludes me.

Oh well, I’m glad I wasn’t born a cat or a crazy guy…

1 comment:

  1. Now after reading this story the only reason I can see why you pissed your self was the airport was not built yet. My theory is that your piss didn't have clearance for take off! Case closed now get over it! B