Thursday 8 August 2013

Every Ten Years

How did it get to be 10:45? How did it get to be 10:45 and I haven’t watched any TV yet? Oh well.

You know those people who go on and on and on about something and just never seem to shut up? It turns out that I am one of them. I didn’t think I was, but for the last week or so, every time I start to mention that I will be going to the doctors next Thursday morning, people finish the sentence for me. It is usually followed by “Yeah…we all know! Nobody but you cares! Everyone goes to the doctor and it isn’t a big deal!”
Well, I know that, but…but…I’m not everyone and I don’t like to be poked and prodded. I know that I am over weight and I should eat healthier foods and get some regular exercise, I don’t really need a medical school grad to tell me. It isn’t as if she’s going to set up a positive lifestyle for me with planned daily meals, followed by the appropriate exercise, or set up a session or two with the guy that does liposuction. She will be nice and suggest a change of lifestyle and I will nod and sheepishly promise to be better.
I’ll really mean it too. I’ve really meant it every other time as well. You know what would really help? If they could stop selling everything and anything that’s deep fried or contains sugar. That would be a good first step. If the price of gas got so high that I would be forced to take transit, walk or ride my bike, would help too. I guess a personal trainer would be pretty good, but those people are expensive and I can do the same thing for free. Probably…

So, I’ll go to the doctors and for the next few weeks I will feel like a lazy, fat piece of shit. Eventually, like all wounds I will forget the pain and misery of my guilt about being a lazy, fat piece of shit. I’ll try to eat more like an adult and less like a spoiled kid. I’ll probably bore people with what the doctor said and try to put a positive spin on it. “She told me I was a hearty eater and I’m in the best shape a guy in my shape could be in.”

Everyone will know its all bullshit and they will say” Yeah…we all know! Nobody but you cares!” It will hurt my feelings, but at least I won’t have to go back to the doctors for another ten years. It is every ten years for a physical…right?

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