Wednesday 13 March 2013

Sweet Smelling Armpits

I guess the first time I heard about global warming was twenty years or so ago and it was a by product of the hole in the Ozone layer. I didn’t have a clue at the time what an Ozone layer was and to tell the truth I know just a tiny bit more now. It was hard to believe that simply by spraying deodorant under my arms, I was destroying the earth one sweet smell at a time.
I knew it was a problem because it sounded like a serious kind of problem. There was a big hole in this Ozone layer right over the South Pole. That can’t be a good thing. I vaguely remember that without the Ozone, the temperature of the earth will rise and cause all sorts of problems. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t take really big canisters of ozone up in a bunch of airplanes and replenish the ozone. I have been assured that won’t work by people who know more than I do about the subject. From what I understand, ozone protects our planet from ultra violet light. Most of the industrialized nations have banned the use of chlorofluorocarbons, but of course it is a case of too little too late.

I live in Canada so to me having the earth’s temperature rise a few degrees doesn’t seem to be such a bad idea. It would be kind of nice not to have to leave the country to get a tan in the winter, and there will be less snow to shovel. I think it just might be sour grapes from those countries south of us that have enjoyed the nice weather for so long. We could become a producer of fruits and vegetables, instead of wheat, corn, canola and mustard. What kind of crops are those? No one sits down to a steaming plate of canola and mustard. Well, no one with a brain or a functional taste bud.

 They say that in time the north and south poles will melt and raise the level of the oceans three or four meters. I guess that’s enough to flood the land that more than half of the world’s population live on. Pretty much all of the coastal cities around the world would be under water. It won’t happen over night, so they will more than likely be able to move all of their stuff inland somewhere. I live about 3500 feet above sea level, so although I will watch the news and tch-tch over the flooding, it will just be another TV program to me. The real estate market in areas like Calgary is bound to sky rocket as more and more of our lowland brothers and sisters attempt to buy a home in the clouds.
So, for me the weather will improve, Shorts and t-shirts will be my standard dress, I will be able to grow a decent tomato in my garden and the value of my house will soar past a million bucks. There doesn’t seem to be a down side. Well, until this winter of course.

You see, there are these cracks in the cement wall that my garage sits on and usually in the spring when the snow begins to quickly melt, the garage would flood. Nothing got damaged, but it is a pain in the ass having to squeegee all of that water out. Generally it would only happen once or twice every springtime, and some years not at all. This winter it has happened four times already and it isn’t even spring yet. There’s the down side to global warming.

Now, when the ground thaws out I am going to have to dig down around the footings of the garage and repair the wall. Normally I can just ignore it, but not this year. FML!

So, it turns out that the hole in the ozone is a bad thing and I can feel good about myself for switching to stick deodorant all of those years ago. I’ve helped to save the world and still managed to have sweet smelling armpits .

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