Friday 22 March 2013

Everything Works Out For The Best

Louise and I are going on holiday in a week or so and I will be gone for about two weeks. I’m not saying this so the thieves can put my house in their daytimer, although I suppose they need to stick to a schedule just like everyone else. That puts the “organized” in organized crime. The reason I mention it is that for the first time in months I will miss the airport sale of confiscated items.

I find I look forward to this sale for a few reasons. Firstly, I like a good deal and I have picked up a few things at very good prices. Secondly, it is nice to have something to look forward to and put in my daytimer. I guess the other reason I look forward to the sale is that I am amazed at the things people try to get on the plane. It is a source of wonderment at just how stupid people can get. Maybe forgetful would be a kinder way to describe them. There are so many forgetful people, that there is a bin of bottle openers labelled “FREE”. Free is one of my favourite words and I will always pick up one or two just so my trip to the airport isn’t a complete waste of time.
I really have no use for more than one cork screw, and truth be told I don’t even have a use for that one most of the time. I just can’t help myself! I picture people dropping by to visit and my giving them a parting gift of a first class bottle opener, just like you would get from a Canadian game show. The only wine I open is for cooking and I wouldn’t be broken hearted if I could never open another bottle. Wine and I have had a spotty relationship over the years and I was always the loser.
I can remember one Saturday night in grade 10 when a group of us stole a bottle or two of Don’s dad’s home made wine. I know that millions and millions of kids around the world steal wine from their parents on a daily basis. The only thing that set us apart would be that the wine was only about two weeks old. It had a terrible taste and I doubt whether it had any alcohol in it at all. Welcome to the world of wine Kenny! That isn’t quite true, I did have wine from mom and dad before, it was Manischewitz wine which is a kosher, sweet fruit wine. Kind of like drinking watered down cough syrup.
I would buy cheap wine to get drunk like most kids did, and to this day I equate drinking wine with throwing up into a sewer. There was one memorable party where I arrived early with some friends to get “herbally” enhanced and while sitting in a circle I would sooth my smoke roughened throat with a gallon of some nameless rose'. When I looked up from my circle of close friends, it appeared that close to 100 people had arrived and were shoulder to shoulder. I managed to slide back against the wall and eventually, due to the paralytic effects of the wine and herbs, I puked all over myself. There is nothing like slouching against a wall in a crowded room with hundreds of people looking at you in disgust. I wasn’t too thrilled with myself either.

I wonder how many people remember seeing me forty five years ago, covered in puke in Ted Hogan’s basement. That one incident could have changed my life in ways that only God and perhaps people living in an alternate reality would know. Come to think of it, maybe that is why I wasn’t invited to very many parties back in high school. I hope those alternate reality Ken’s had a better high school social life that I did.

Mind you, if I had a better social life there is a very good chance I wouldn’t have survived to write this blog. I guess everything works out for the best. Right?...Right?...Right!

I missed the second anniversary of this blog yesterday. I started it with the intention of documenting our trip to Hawaii, which I did and so far I am still having fun two years later. I hope that those of you who have been regular readers are still having fun as well. Maybe I should celebrate with a bottle of Maneschewitz or a gallon of some nameless Rose'.


  1. Celebrate with a toke :)
    I continue to get great pleasure from reading your blog. Enjoy your holiday.

  2. where you off whats your address