Friday 29 March 2013

Nothing To Do

There is nothing to do now but wait for Brendan to come to drive us to the airport. Oh, and take Buster to the kennel of course. That would be a bad thing to forget. I can imagine arriving home after two weeks in paradise only to find the skeletal remains of our family pet. It would be his fault, there is enough food in the house to last two weeks and there are two toilets full of water. Of course he would have to grow a couple of thumbs right quickly to be able to open the food. Not my problem though.

I hate early morning flights, because I have a history of passing out for various stress related causes on those early mornings. It causes Louise no end of worry and she has even considered cancelling our trip once or twice. I guess that’s why she books the flights later in the day now. Due to the later flight I don’t have that early morning stress, but now I have to kill hours of time. I suppose that I could do something creative or even useful, but I don’t want to be half way through something and have to stop for two weeks. That would be fine if I were doing a Suduko or a crossword puzzle, but it could be tragic if I were in the middle of heart replacement surgery. I’ll admit the last scenario is rather unlikely, but I can think of at least three different series of events that would lead me into someone’s open heart.
I am sure you are thinking to yourself “But Ken, you’re retired, don’t you do nothing all day anyways?” Well, yeah that’s true, but normally I do nothing without the stress of a seven hour flight looming over me like the proverbial sword of Damocles. Not to mention the security clearance I will need to go through. I don’t really understand the need to xray my shoes. I understand xraying the carry on bags, but my shoes? Most shoes are really much too small to hide anything that could be even remotely dangerous. I suppose that I could put a razor blade in the sole, but who has razor blades any more. Even if I did have a razor in my shoe, those seats are far too close together for me to reach my feet so that I could get the blade out. If I were in security, I would tell them not to bother with people over a certain weight because not only would they have trouble getting the weapon, they can barely get up and down the aisle to take a piss let alone squeeze into the cockpit with the pilots and navigator.
I guess that’s why most of the terrorists that you see are slim. Well, that and long hours of prayer or listening to all of the voices talking to you inside of your head. It has to be very confusing! If I were a terrorist (and I am not for anyone who might be monitoring my blog) I would just say screw it and kick off my shoes, get a complimentary coke, a pack of “Jetzels” and see what free movies there are to watch.
That is just what I plan to do, well that some reading and if I am lucky, I might just squeeze in a nap or two. If I am really lucky, I won’t have to use the bathroom on the plane.

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