Saturday 19 January 2013

Ten Bucks is About Right

I was just watching TV, fulfilling my destiny and wasting more of my dwindling supply of hours, when a commercial came on for one of the local news/morning shows. It was one of the male anchors and he was telling us to tune in on Monday to see how to wear a scarf. The odd thing is that a couple of days ago a rival network had the same kind of ad on their commercial.

When did the news shows decide it was up to them to set and advise our style preferences? Is there really so little news of interest that they have to encroach on the domain of Fashion Television? Who the fuck in Canada doesn’t know how to wear a scarf?
I realize that they are talking about wearing scarves as fashion accessories, but who is having trouble figuring out how to put on scarves? If you see someone wearing a scarf and the way they wear it appeals to you, then look at it and tie it yourself. Scarves are relatively bulky affairs and the knots used are quite visible and easy to figure out. If for some reason you are brain dead and can’t piece together that the scarf goes around your neck and then loops into itself, then there is the internet option. I just googled how to tie a man’s scarf and saw far too many ways to do it in a matter of seconds. If you need help, here is a link.

My method of wearing a scarf is to make sure that not even a centimetre of flesh is showing. You don’t need a mirror for this, you simply go out in the cold and it will be obvious if you are covered or not. When delivering mail in -30° weather, my personal preference was a double wrap around and a tuck into a sweater, covered with a bulky coat zipped up to the chin. That’s just me not wanting to freeze to death. Scarves for a fashion accessory just seem to be stupid. Again, that is just me being me.
I taught myself to tie a tie by watching an episode of “Hart to Hart”. We had to wear ties at work in the good old days and it was better if you could tie your own. In fact, I became something of a celebrity and quite in demand at work because I could tie a tie. It takes a man made of stern stuff to go up to another man and ask if he would tie the tie for him. To do that you have to admit a lack of knowledge and in effect admit that the punk kid with the long hair knows more than you do.
I guess watching TV wasn’t a total waste of time after all. I did manage to earn respect and admiration from my co-workers.

If anyone out there wants me to tie their scarf for them, just mail it to me with a self addressed, stamped return envelope and let’s say…ahhhh.. $10. Yeah, ten bucks is about right…right?


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