Friday 18 January 2013

Smart Clothes and Stupid Socks

When I was younger, the fashion dictated that you wear jeans and a t-shirt. Preferably the t-shirt would be tie dyed, but that wasn’t mandatory. T-shirts are pretty much the same now as they were then, except it is almost impossible to get a shirt now that doesn’t have some kind of message on it. Personally I like the plain t-shirts that contain no socially significant message. Jeans have changed pretty radically in the forty years or so.

It used to be that the denim that was used was blue, thick and long wearing. It was only after a year or two that fading would start and holes would appear. The holes were generally started when tiny bits of burning herb would drop on them. When the holes started, you could start putting on patches of different colours and materials which would look pretty cool. The bottom of the pants would be frayed because you had been walking on them for a year or two. All in all, I loved my jeans. Now, you can get jeans in every colour of the rainbow, stone washed and pre worn in strategic places. The jeans that I get don’t last very long and seem to wear very quickly. They do not behave the way I think jeans should behave.

You can buy the “Classic” jeans, but they are not cheap. My son has a pair and the care instructions are that you don’t wash them. ????? Yeah, it doesn’t make sense, but it would make scents. I just checked a web site and they sell these old school jeans for $330! I am going to stick to the modern variety.

My brother would only wear his jeans one day because they would develop “knees”. He explained that they would no longer hang straight but would have a bump where the knee was and the only way to get rid of it was to wash them. I guess… Since he told me this many years ago, I have been keeping my eye on my clothing for this kind of errant behaviour. Shirts develop “elbows” and the tails for some reason try to escape being tucked into your pants. Collars will often turn up for no apparent reason and button holes are really tight when you want them loose and loose when you want them tight. Lately, I have noticed that if you take your socks off and them put them back on the wrong feet they have these stupid ghost toes. It looks like each of your feet has two big toes. That would be great for stability, but it weirds me out to the point that I have to switch them back to the right feet. Yes, it is kind of odd but I can’t help myself.

You just know that “smart” clothes are just a few years away and we will be able to ask our sleeves where the nearest Tim Horton’s is located and have our collars tell us the direction. Underwear will tell us when it is time to buy new and the materials will keep us cool when we are hot and warm when we are cold. I’m not sure I like the idea of my clothing knowing more than I do, I already have something of an inferiority complex.

Well, I guess I will just have to get used to having smart clothes and stupid socks.

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