Never a Cop Around

Have you noticed that there is never a cop around when you need one? Of course the opposite is true as well, just when you don’t want to have a cop around they appear out of no where. It is one of those even when you win, you lose.

 

Tonight we were just leaving the Crossiron Mills Mall (http://www.crossironmills.com/ ) which is north of Calgary when a guy made an illegal U turn. From that particular entrance, left turns aren’t allowed because it would tie traffic up completely. Unfortunately, we all seem to forget and have to drive in the wrong (longer) direction. Some of us are less patient than others and figure that the rules of the road just don’t apply to them. Just such an occurrence happened tonight, but unfortunately for the guy in the car, a cop was just sitting there waiting to give him a ticket. I felt bad for the guy and happy that he got caught at the same time.

Years ago before we had kids, we spent a wonderful day in Banff. We were coming home and the traffic was horrible. I had a headache that was in the process of tearing my skull in two and just wanted to get home and lay down in a cool, dark room. Unfortunately, the sun was beating down on our unairconditioned vehicle and I had been stuck behind this one car that had the worst driver in Calgary. Whenever the opportunity came to pass, this dickhead would accelerate so that I couldn’t pass, or slow down to achieve the same thing. I don’t think he was doing this on purpose, but you never know.

 

I was looking forwards to getting off of the highway and away from him. Of course when the ramp came for my street, this dick took it too. The road we were travelling was having work done so there was only one lane and Mister Fuck-Me-Over was driving ten to fifteen KPH slower than the limit. Finally after about five K’s of this guys driving, my side street was coming up. Thank God! Wouldn’t you know it, this guy turned down the street! Well, I lost it. I stomped on the accelerator and passed that guy like he was standing still. It felt so very good. Well, until I saw the lights and heard the siren.

It turns out that I was speeding past the guy in a playground zone, through a crosswalk and I think that a stop sign was in the mix somewhere. The cop approached the car with his hand on his gun, assuming that only a desperate escaped convict or mental patient would have driven so recklessly. To his relief, it was only me. He asked me why he shouldn’t charge me with dangerous driving and arrest me on the spot. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t come up with a convincing reason for him not to. I pathetically said” I never drive like this…” and even I wasn’t convinced.

In the end, I lost nine points, speeding, passing in a playground zone, through a crosswalk and just generally being reckless. I counted myself as being very, very, very lucky. I didn’t want to go to prison; I was very, very, very pretty back then.

 

I am sure the guy I passed was thankful that such a menace was taken off of the road and the streets were once again safe for law abiding citizens.

I guess in a way it was good for me as well. I don’t break any road rules any more and I think I have had one speeding ticket in the thirty years since then. I still don’t like guys like that who make guys like me go crazy, and I can only hope that if there is a God in heaven, he died in some horribly gruesome and painful way.