Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Feeling Old



I am feeling old today.

I finally decided to apply for Canada Pension. I have been hemming and hawing for a few months now about whether I should collect now or wait for a few years until I am 65. I would make more money per month if I wait until I am 65, and even more if I wait until 70, but if there is one thing you can learn from Las Vegas, it’s that the house never loses. In this case, the “house” is the Canada Pension Plan.

They are betting that I am going to die early and cost them the least amount of cash. I am hoping to live a long and active life, screwing the government for just as long as I possible can. I want them to sent people out several times to check on whether I am really alive or not. I don’t think I really want to live that long, but I am just cheap enough to live for 150 years.

If I claim the pension now, I will be about 72 before I start to see a loss. My mom and dad both passed in their mid 70’s so it is possible that you only have to read this blog for another15 years or so. After that, I might not be able to afford the site any more. People I know are all claiming their pension, so who am I to buck the trend. It will be nice to have the money now to blow on stuff other than wheel chairs or hospital beds. The kids can spend their money on that crap.

I decided to do an online application instead of the old fashioned way with paper and pen. I think I made a mistake or two and it is bound to come back and haunt me. They say it is an online application, but you still have to send in a letter with your signature on it. I guess they figure that someone might be criminal enough to file for someone’s pension online, but they would draw the line at forging the signature. I imagine that is what you would call an honourable thieving bastard. If I made a mistake, I wonder if they will send me an email showing me which mistake I made or if they will send a hard copy letter saying that I made a mistake and it will be up to me to figure out just where the mistake was. Kind of like the pensioners version of “Where’s Waldo”.

If they play their cards right, they can keep me sending in corrections until I am at least 65. If they are really lucky, the Alzheimer’s will get me and I will completely forget about the pension. Like I said, the house always wins. They might win, but I am going to do all that I can to make them win slowly, the slower the better if you know what I mean.

Yep, I am feeling kind of old today, but not much older than yesterday and feeling old is better than the alternative. 

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