Friday 30 March 2012

A Total Tool

Well, where to start?

You know, I didn't do a lot of anything today. I didn't walk too far. I didn't go shopping. I didn't ride anywhere. I didn't even sleep. What a shit day!

Maybe I should focus on what I did do. I ate a lot of dead cow and some pig. Parts of a chicken and some wheat and some milk by products. God bless Jack-in-the-Box!

I went to the airport to rent a car. There is a car rental just up the street, but it would cost $75 bucks to drop the car off at the airport. WTF? How can that cost $75? I think that when I get home I will contact one of the car companies and see if I can move their cars around for them. I could get a partner and he could follow me to or from the airport. More people would take advantage of the service and I would make a killing. If I were to want to work that is.

I just went for a walk to get a chocolate bar at the local Circle K. I know what your thinking, "What the hell are you doing eating a chocolate bar for?" Well, I believe that chocolate bars taste better in the USA. I have done quite a bit of research over the years, and it is true. Just ask anyone. Well, not the people that don't agree with me of course, they are dickheads!

So, on my way I see two cop cars shaking down about eight kids on bicycles. I don't think they were trying to get money from them, but something was going on. When I passed, they were getting the kids to turn their bikes upside down. It seemed a little strange, but I guess if they were concerned the kids would hop on the bikes and tear off, having the bikes upside down would sure slow them down.

On my way back, there were now four cop cars and six cops, eight kids, eight upside down bikes, four flashlights and a half eaten Snickers bar. Seven of the kids were sitting in a line and one kid was off a ways talking to a cop. I'm guessing he was ratting his buddies out in order to save himself. It's what I would have done. No, not really. Well, maybe. They all looked pretty scared.

I know that look. I have been that kid answering some arrogant cops questions about where I had been and just where I was going. Usually I was so stoned that I hadn't a clue where I had been and wasn't sure where I was going. The safe answer to the first question was "A friends." What friend? "Ahhh....John." John who? "What does it matter?" Then the cop would go into some song and dance about how they were looking for someone that fit my description.

I would say "What, you are looking for someone wearing a tye dyed t-shirt, patched jeans, blue shoes and a leather visor?" The cop would say not exactly, and then tell me to empty my pockets on the hood and grab a fender with both hands. "Both hands on the same fender or one on each?" He would then tell me to shut up! The cop looked at the cigarettes, matches and 53 cents on the hood of his car and ask me where I was going. I wouldn't say anything and when the cop got pissed I would say "Well you told me to shut up." I eventually had to answer, but this was always tricky, because if you said home, he might just offer to give you a ride. That would be cool if you could remember where you lived, but it would be problematic if you couldn't. I usually just said that I was walking around because it was such a lovely night.

The cop really wasn't looking for anyone that looked like me, so he told me that I should go home and not to look so guilty. What? He would drive off and I would give him the finger! Well, behind my back of course. I wasn't a total tool!


  1. Were those kids wearing hoodies and if so that would explain it all! B

  2. Why yes, they were wearing hoodies. Turns out that one of them had stolen a bike. SURPRISE...SURPRISE...SURPRISE!