Thursday 8 March 2012

Two Beer Ken

I have always had a low tolerance for intoxicants of every kind. It is a pretty good trait when you are a high school student and have very little discretionary money.

There was a time in high school when my buddies referred to me as “Two beer” Ken. It was pretty accurate, because after one beer I would have a good buzz on and by the time I finished the second beer I would be saying inappropriate things to the girls, breaking furniture and trying not to puke on my blue suede shoes with the yellow piping. It was also kind of embarrassing as well. You just can’t be macho at a party when you turn down the second beer because “you have to be able to function tomorrow morning.” It isn’t even a case of being macho. When you spend the night nursing one beer, people get the idea that you are a cheapskate. They would be right of course, but back then I was still trying to impress people and there is a very small demographic of girls that think cheap is cool.

I wasn’t much better with the illegal intoxicants either. I would fly higher and soar longer than my friends on the same amount of fuel. I could out last any “dry” spell that would hit Toronto by being frugal or should I say economical in the use of consumable resources.  

I figured that as I aged I would develop some kind of tolerance to alcohol. Not so apparently. I went out drinking with the boys after work one Friday and I got so drunk I couldn’t even walk. It was really cold out and the coffee that I bought to warm and sober myself, kept spilling and burning my hands. I figured that if I couldn’t walk then the only logical option open to me was driving. I got to the car and started to drive home. Just about half the way there, I began to see double. I was pretty sure this wasn’t a good thing, so I covered one eye and drove the rest of the way home without any more problems. I imagine I may have caused some accidents with my weaving all over the road, but this was Alberta in the 70’s, so it was more or less common place.

Yes, it and I was (were) pretty stupid, and I have never gotten that drunk again. I really can’t imagine being any more drunk than I was.

My point is that I seem to have a low resistance to drugs. Now, that being the case you would think that any antibiotics or really any medication would have a huge effect on me. I should be able to be cured just by someone just waving an aspirin in my general direction. Somehow, the world in all of its wisdom has chosen NOT to have helpful drugs work well with me. They pretty much work the way for me that they work for everyone else I guess. The only one that seems to work especially well is antihistamines.

 I took one tonight because I had to go over to look after a sick Hurricane and Tornado for an hour or so. Luckily Louise came with me. It is nice to have a responsible adult around when you are looking after kids. When I got home, I kept dozing off on the couch. Normally that doesn’t bother me, but tonight, it was during the exciting parts of a show. Louise would wake me up and tell me to go to bed. I’d wake up and say “I’m not tired!” and then start to drop off again.

Well, it is getting close to bedtime and I am pretty much wide awake. Perfect! Well, I guess I will just have to “surf” until my eyes begin to droop and I fall off of the chair.

I hope that Hurricane and Tornado are feeling better tomorrow.


  1. If you had been born a girl you would be popular with boys. A cheap date, two beers and she puts out! B

  2. I am afraid you are right Brian. If I had been a girl, I would have had just one name like all Madona, Sting, and Cher. I would have been known as "Slut".