Saturday 17 March 2012

Stink of Urine

Why is it that bad things sometimes happen to good people? I know that good things sometimes happen to bad people as well. I wonder if anyone has ever done a study to find out if more bad shit happens to the good guys or if more good shit happens to the bad guys.

I would bet that if that study was ever done, we would find that the bad guys get good stuff happening far more than the good guys get bad stuff happening. Perhaps it is just the way that I perceive good and bad. I am sure that the bad guys don’t see themselves as bad for the most part, and they would believe that they were just getting their just deserts. Politicians believe that they are doing the best for their constituents. Sure, the people are unhappy, but they don’t see the broader picture, do they. If the politician doesn’t get re-elected then he can’t do all of the good things for the people. He won’t get re-elected unless he gets money from big Oil, auto, forestry and the myriad corporations that are seeking favours.
What I am really trying to get at, is that the good guy (me) had a bad thing happen to him. Where is the justice? Sometimes you just want to cry, but you are too manly to do so. Not me, but maybe you. No, I had my phone damaged. It still receives calls, but I am unable to place a call. The screen looks kind of like an abstract impressionist painting and although it isn’t without beauty, this kind of thing would look better on a wall or in a museum than on my cell phone. I think it got banged up while I was working at the post office on Friday. That just goes to prove that no good will ever come from working. The good thing about being me is that there are only three people that ever call, so I can go for quite a while without having a cell phone.

I guess I will have to get a new phone in the near future. I don’t need it of course, but I feel more connected to the modern world with a phone on my hip. It would be embarrassing going around trying to find a pay phone. No one under thirty would know what I was talking about anyways. I wouldn’t even know where I would find a pay phone now. I suppose there are pay phones at the airport and the bus station. I am sitting here trying to remember the last pay phone that I saw, and I really can’t remember.
I remember that before widespread cell phone use they were on almost every corner. They stunk of urine and never had the phone book attached to the chain where it was supposed to be. There was always that big gob that someone spit just at eye level on the glass which would turn your stomach if you didn’t close your eyes. I also remember the wads of gum that was stuck on and under every surface. Half of the time the phones didn’t work and even if they did, I would have a brain fart and wouldn’t be able to remember my best friend’s number or I wouldn’t have a dime. Jeez, now that I think about it, I am just as happy that they aren’t around anymore. Disgusting things!

I ordered a phone for Louise from China and I will probably do the same for myself. They are unlocked and pretty (relatively) cheap. It comes programmed with the time and weather for Zhejiang Province, which is kind of nice to know…I guess. I will have to figure out what just what things I need the phone to do. I will need to have WiFi so that I can check my email, a camera would be nice and if I could use it to play music I could cut back on one device when I go for a walk. Having all of my contacts and their numbers and addresses is pretty important. It would be nice to have an organizer of some sort too. I guess the ability to make phone calls would be a good idea.

Just so long as it doesn’t stink of urine!


  1. If it makes you feel any better I'm 27 and I know what a pay phone is. But I am from booney-ville where to this very day I still can not get cell service...

  2. I suppose there are places that are trapped in time, sort of like a modern day Brigadoon. Someday, with luck you will get cell service AND cable TV.