Wednesday 14 March 2012

Aware and Watching

The other day, Buster and I were attacked while out on our walk. It was a very windy day and what could only have been feral newspapers kept assaulting us. I’ll admit that the papers didn’t do any harm, but it wasn’t for want of trying. Even when I turned the corner, these kamikaze papers threw themselves at the chain link fence and tried to get through to us. It could have been terrifying! It wasn’t, but it could have been.

It did get me to thinking about inanimate objects. I can’t help but wonder if inanimate would preclude being self aware. Computers are inanimate, but they are getting closer and closer to being self aware. They may not be alive, but I feel that a lot of things are aware, and watching.

How often have you ignored your car and all of a sudden some warning light will come on? Cars will tell you that your door is ajar and will beep and beep until you do up the damned seat belt. I have a car that keeps insisting that I check the engine. When I do pop the hood, the engine looks just fine and dandy to me. I think it is just looking for a little attention. Check the oil, check the washer fluid, check the battery and check the radiator fluid. The demands never seem to end.

A couple of weeks ago, my hot water heater decided that it wasn’t getting enough attention and leaked all over the floor. I gave it attention all right! Out the fucking door with you, and anyone else that pisses on my basement floor. Right now, it is either in the scrap yard or has already been melted down and made into a sewer line. Eat shit, water heater!

Sometimes, Louise’s key cards decide to play hide-and-seek. We look all over for them in the morning and they are no where to be found and in the afternoon they turn up right in the middle of the table. Evil little bastards! Books are the things that hide on me. I will put them down in one place and within a few minutes they will have wandered to another room and hidden under a newspaper. I have already mentioned how much newspapers seem to dislike me.

No, don’t trust those inanimate things around you. They are pretty clever, because when you watch them they just sit there as innocent as you please. However, turn your back and you just might find them trying to do you grievous bodily harm. Whenever possible, nail them to a solid surface or better yet toss them into the recycling ASAP.

We humans have to watch out for each other. Don’t worry; I’ve got your back!  

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