Wednesday 21 December 2011

Twisted Fuckhead

I was waiting in line at Costco today and it just felt like Christmas. I normally try to get there relatively early in order to miss the crowds. I think I would have had to come in through the skylight at 3:00AM to beat these crowds.

The parking lot was kind of nuts, but it always is. I just love the guys that sit in their cars or truck waiting for the wife who has just gone in to pick up a couple of things. Hey there ASSHOLE everyone is just in there to pick up a few things! Park your vehicle and spend some time with your wife, or do what I do and drool over the electronics and or tools. Speaking of tools, what about those people who think the Costco parking lot is their own private racetrack? Slow down there pal, some of us actually parked our cars and have to walk the half mile to the door and have hopes of getting there without tire marks on our clothing. However, I prefer them to the cotton tops that cruise around and around the first two aisles at 3 KPH hoping that some spot will magically open. I prefer these doofuses to the ones that stop and hold up traffic in the hopes that the person walking down the aisle will get in a car and eventually vacate a spot.

My friend has had his vehicle broken into two or three times in the Costco parking lot. That was in Ontario where there are a lot more thieves and generally dishonest people than there are in Alberta. That is my story and I am sticking to it!

Once I got inside the “warehouse” there were people with carts bustling hither, thither and yon. If you were to squint and push up on your ear lobes, you might imagine that you are in Santa’s workshop. Mind you, if you do squint, there is a good chance that you are going to bump into someone and they will more than likely not be a jolly old elf. The chances are you will bump into a grumpy old prick. I don’t know why some people are in a bad mood. Did they think that four days before Christmas the stores were going to be empty? The only thing empty about Costco are the shelves. These people make you think very un-Christmas like thoughts, like wanting them to choke on a sugar plum and I know just where to put the candy canes.

I wandered the aisles looking at all of the shiny gadgets and doodads. It is times like this that I would like to get one of everything whether I could use it or not. I spend a fair amount of time in the book aisle putting the books back into the piles they belong in. Is it so difficult for people to put the book back where they got it after they have had a good look? Books aren’t so bad, what really gets me is when you see a frozen fish sitting on a pile of socks. What kind of twisted fuckhead thinks that is OK? “Yeah, I don’t want this fish so I will just drop it on these socks.” Dick!

The lines to check out were predictably long, but I took my sons advice on how to pick the best line. Simply find a line with good looking women in it and even if it is mind numbing slow, you will at least have something to look at. I had a nice chat with the woman in front of me and it turns out that her husband and I seem to have a lot in common. We both like electronics and we will wear our clothes until they cease to be useful as paint rags. The line moved pretty quickly and I managed to leave with my purchases and a smile.

Driving home I realized that I had forgotten some of the items that I went to Costco for. Oh well, I can go tomorrow. I’ll go early so that I can avoid the crowds…

1 comment:

  1. I agree with you 100% about the fuckheads at Costco and their" it's all about me" attitude, you just want choke somebody sometimes! Here in senior central Van. island you have to bite your tongue and move on, as the old farts have this I paid my taxes and I'll do what I want attitude. Linda and I have both had shopping carts pushed infront of us while looking at a product on the shelf, and they leave it there and walk away as they look at another item. Like WTF did you not see me standing right there. My favorite fuckhead move is the talk on the cell ph while cashing out, and don't unload your cart until your finished your oh so important ph call URRRRRR. Good call on the earlier the better everywhere at this time of year. B