Monday 5 December 2011

20 Days Till Christmas

I am starting to get a little concerned. There are just 20 days till Christmas and I am not sure when Santa has the cut off for the whole naughty or nice thing. I am thinking that since he is magical then the chances are pretty good that I have 18 or 19 days. I am hoping that I can do like the Christians and confess my slight transgressions and all will be forgiven. I just have to confess this years…right?

I guess that I should do it in order as best that I can remember. So, the first would have to be real early on Christmas morning when I opened a few gifts and then rewrapped them. I told myself that I just wanted to know what was in the box so that if I didn’t like the gift then I could pretend I did like it and not hurt anyone’s feelings. The real reason is that I was looking for better gifts and I was going to switch the tags. No one got anything better, so in effect I didn’t do anything to be forgiven for.

I have taken the Lords name in vain, but I can’t see how that could bother Santa, so I am good again. Let’s see, whenever there is a collection box of any sort I just bang the top and make it sound like I put money in the box. I know, I should have put money in but a guy has to look out for number one, and I will get them the next time. You know, in a way I did help the charities by drawing attention to the boxes when I banged the lid. The people within earshot would have heard the jingle of coins and be inclined to contribute themselves. So, really I guess you could say that by my not giving to charity, the charity would in fact have gotten more money. Once again, that really isn’t anything to be forgiven for.

I did eat some of my grandson’s candy, but even though they say that taking candy from a baby is bad, I can’t agree. If Hurricane knew how much pain and suffering I have endured during my lifetime due to my bad teeth, he would thank me for taking his candy. I saved him the agony of extensive dental work. I think that his mom and dad should actually give me a percentage of the money that I helped them to save. I might mention this to them in a few years. Once again, I am good on this one.

I guess over the year I have been pretty rude to telemarketers. Mostly I just tell them I don’t want what they are selling and hang up, but there are occurrences when I get more creative. One guy called and I told him that I would be happy to talk to him and that I could guarantee that his computer would work up to 50% faster if he would give me access for a few minutes. He hung up. I like to keep them talking for as long as possible, that way if they are talking to me they aren’t bothering anyone else. I have blown a whistle into the phone. I have told them that they should be ashamed of themselves for being one of our societies scum sucking bottom feeders. I have told them that I would be more than happy to talk to them, but to call me back on my other line. Then I give them Steven Harpers office number. There is no end to the fun you can have. Reading this, I am like a hero in this case too.

I am starting to feel pretty good about the naughty and nice list. When I think about it now, I probably didn’t do anything bad at all. There is a good chance that I am right at the top again this year. Load up the sleigh fat boy; I am clearing a place under the tree for all of the gifts. This year I won’t eat the cookies or drink the milk.


For those of you that don’t read binary code, you can get a translation here.

1 comment:

  1. 010010010010000001100001011000110110001101100101011100000111010000100000011110010110111101110101011100100010000001100001011100000110111101101100011011110110011101111001001011100010111000101110