Monday 9 June 2014

My Friend List on Facebook

I’ve never been one to believe in malevolent spirits, and to tell you the truth, I’m not even sure I know what a malevolent spirit is. Okay, I just read that a malevolent spirit is a human soul that was an asshole in life and for one reason or another he/she decided to hang around after death fucking up everyone else’s life. What kind of a prick would want to keep being a prick even after they died? That is one serious asshole!

I was reading about these malevolent spirits and the author of the article said that most people think that malevolent spirits are demons but they are just angry spirits. She/he goes on to say that demons are real but they seldom get involved in our day to day life. Well, thank God for that! I have enough trouble dealing with angry asshole disembodied spirits, I don’t need seriously fucked up demons going after me. How fucked up is that?

Further reading took me to a page that lists the malevolent spirits alphabetically and to my surprise and chagrin; there seem to be thousands of them in every culture and country on the planet. Oh great!

I have for most of my life believed that if things went wrong, it was just bad luck or perhaps the universe didn’t like me for some reason or another. You know, when you finally get a few bucks ahead and are actually thinking of getting something you have been wanting for years, but then the car breaks down or the city lets you know that you have been underpaying on your taxes for the past few years. There goes your attempt at joy.

Who knew that an Ala or a Polevic might just latch onto you and decide to fuck you over for a while? There are so many of these creatures that they could take turns and nothing would ever go right with your life. I guess I don’t have to imagine, and it would explain quite a few things.

I wonder if there is some way to keep these little peckers bothering someone else and leaving me alone. Maybe if I wear garlic underwear, wear a silver cross, and get a silly looking hat lined with tin foil or sleep inside of a pyramid things will start to get better. I just may start to do a few of those things, but not the garlic underwear, there is already a fairly toxic smell associated with my underwear.

You know, there are malevolent spirits, I wonder if there are nice spirits that hang around doing good and positive things for people. Like those elves that made shoes for the old cobbler in the fairy tale. I’m sure there are! I just googled “good spirits” and I got a bunch of listings for local liquor stores. That just might be the ticket, whenever the evil spirits latch onto you, just get so hammered that they let go of you and find some other sucker that they can piss off.

I don’t know…probably never will either. It would be nice if they could give me a by for the rest of my life, I won’t tell anyone that the malevolent spirits did a nice thing once, it will be our little secret. If you spirits need a list of people to fuck over, you are welcome to my friend list on facebook.

Check out this list of legendary creatures, a goodly number of them are not nice. 

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