Tuesday 24 June 2014


I suppose that I need to do a little garden maintenance today.

I can’t tell which of the plants are weeds and which are pepper plants or cucumbers in training. There are other things in the garden that I know are weeds, but they are growing so well I kind of want to let them be. The garden needs some kind of success story just to avoid being embarrassed when it gets together with other gardens.

“Yep, I’ve got the largest selection of weeds for a garden of my size in the city of Calgary.” The other gardens will laugh of course, but some of those gardens are full of shit. Literally!

Part of my reluctance is that the growth of these weeds seems to coincide with the annual mosquito feeding frenzy. Not to mention that it is far too warm to wear long sleeves and long pants so I would basically be unprotected. I am one of those people that blood sucking insects just love. I can be hanging out with all sorts of tender, blood filled fat people and I am still the delicacy of choice. When I have to be out, I will slather myself liberally with DEET. The stuff I use is 99% pure and it is a rare mosquito that can find me when I am covered with this stuff.

The down side I suppose is that DEET is somewhat toxic and can cause severe epidermal reactions and there is a possibility of seizures. I consider freedom from mosquitoes worth a little discomfort, skin rashes, flopping around like a fish out of water and a small amount of anal leakage. There is always a catch, but sometimes it is totally worth it.

I have one of those net hats that are intended to keep the biting pests away from your face. It has been my experience that the bugs will somehow get inside of the mesh and then panic. They will buzz around like insane bees and bounce off of my nose, eyes, ears and eventually will either fly up my nose or into my mouth as I run screaming into the house. I guess that’s why I can’t find the hat; my last experience must have led me to bury it deeper than Jimmy Hoffa.

I really can’t put this off any longer. Mind you, there is the World Cup to think of. Who will cheer for Brazil if not me? There are also afternoon TV programs which are so captivating, and I could do with a nap. I just looked outside and I’ll be damned if the clouds aren’t moving in. Yea!

You know, sometimes less is more when it comes to the garden. It’s possible to work the soil too much and that can and will stress the plants. No one wants to eat stressed plants, well, I don’t anyways. You can eat tense carrots or irritable peas; I will just let them deal with their weedy neighbours themselves.

Who am I to interfere with Nature?

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