Tuesday 20 May 2014

Pyjama pants

Lately, I have spent the first part of my day lying in bed, listening to the radio, trying to decide if it is worth the effort of getting out of bed. Once I have decided that a vertical day is preferable to a horizontal day, I set myself some goals for the day.
They aren’t difficult goals, just things like shower, get dressed (labels in back), have a tea and try to decide on what kind of breakfast would be the best fit for today. Since the Paradise Buffet at the Freemont Hotel in Vegas isn’t a viable option, I settle for oatmeal or Cheerios. There is nothing really very cheery about Cheerios, other than they are easy to make and you can spell “OOOOOOOOOO”. I used to like Alpha-Bits when I was younger, because I could spell my name if I managed to get the right letters in my bowl. I like probably every other kid with Alpha-Bits would spell all of the swear words I knew. You would think they would be more popular with adults working shitty jobs.
Sometimes, before I get out of bed, a random thought will force its way into my mind and today that thought was about pyjamas. The thing I was wondering about is why pyjamas have pockets. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I have little or no need for keys, change, snack foods, matches or my wallet when I am sleeping. If I did need any of those items, I would just dream them up. A pocket full of anything would eventually become uncomfortable in bed with all of the tossing and turning people do when they sleep.
I know that someone is thinking that it is just a design feature, they aren’t meant to be used. Well, if that were true, then why not just fake the outside and do away with the actual pocket part altogether. Pyjama tops also have a breast pocket. You would have to be a serious geek to take a pocket protector full of pens to sleep with you. It’s possible that I missed the class on how to use pyjama pockets during Health class in high school. Perhaps that is where a person is supposed to keep a supply of condoms, but it seems to be a little optimistic of the manufacturers. Every now and then when I have had a cold, I’ve stored used tissue in my pyjama pockets, but invariably, I forget they are there and come laundry day I’ll find a tightly wadded, freshly laundered ball of tissue.

I have noticed lately that people are wearing pyjamas out and about as if they are acceptable articles of clothing. They aren’t! Just how lazy are you that rather than pull on some real pants, you decide to save the 20 seconds it would take and wear your pyjamas. I’ve noticed more and more high school kids wearing pyjama pants to school. I know they are comfortable, but I have always believed that you learn better if you are just a little uncomfortable. When I was in school, we made sure that our pants were difficult to pull down because there was a certain group that thought “Pantsing” someone was really funny. They would have loved this pyjama fashion.

I just hope that this doesn’t carry on to the people who sleep in their underwear or worse still, those that sleep au natural. It doesn’t matter what you see in Playboy or Playgirl, the truth is that most humans don’t look their best in the morning and naked is not a good look for 99% of us. Those that do look good naked probably don’t want the 99% staring at them, well, I sure don’t!

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