Saturday 10 May 2014


Generally speaking, if you have been lucky enough to have been born middle class in Canada as I was, your life has probably progressed in a rather straight forward manner. You would have been born in a hospital, come home to a family that loves you, have a more or less care free childhood that included play with friends, sports and probably 13 years of school at least. There will more than likely be a fair share of bad decisions in there somewhere, but not bad enough to stop your forward motion through life. You will start a career or a job, meet your soul mate, get married, raise a family of your own, grow old with the love of your life and watch your children make some bad decisions of their own. Those same children will fall in love and hopefully have children that you can shower with unconditional love unfettered by the responsibility of raising them. In the fullness of time, you will eventually pass from this life, giving love, sharing love and being loved.

If all goes well…

If all goes well, we find our way over or through those little bumps that life puts in our way, sometimes by ourselves, sometimes with the help of friends or professionals. Sometimes events happen that we can’t find our way over or around and we have to go through them. I lost my best friend over thirty years ago, and I think of him every day. What would he have done or said in this situation or if that happened? What would his kids have been like? Would we still have been friends? That was one of those things you have to go through. I was too young to go to a funeral.

My daughter found that she had Hoskins lymphoma a number of years ago. That was something that we couldn’t go around or over, but had to go through. When I say we, I was just a witness, Arwen had to do the radiation and the chemo and her husband had to lie awake at night praying that she would be all right. We were lucky, managing to get through the bump and having life set back on the right track.

Louise and I both lost our parents, but that is to be expected in life. They had reached a good age and had laughed and loved enough. I don’t know what enough love and laughter is, but I suppose if you can think of them without too many “what if’s” then all is good.

Yesterday, Arwen went to a funeral for a friend that hadn’t laughed or loved enough. He was loved and loved, but not for long enough. He gave and received laughter, but not for long enough. I didn’t know Mark, but if he was anything like Arwen’s other friends, then that is my loss. Arwen and her friends are too young to go to a funeral, but I hope that they can keep Mark alive in their thoughts. He will be missed!  The passage of time will smooth over the painful loss and it will just become a very fond memory that always brings a smile.

I wrote this quite a while ago now. I didn't think it was right for me to use at the time, for many reasons, some still make sense to me and others don’t. I am reading a book about an untimely passing, which reminded me about Mark. I hope that where ever he may be, he is laughing and is loved, what more can we ask for in this or any life?

No comments:

Post a Comment