Saturday, 11 January 2014

Yeah, That Should Work


How do you get rid of unwanted hiccups?
 
I assume that all hiccups are unwanted, but there are strange people out there. Some eat raw fish, some think that conservative politicians are looking after our best interests, not the corporate best interests. Some people like to inflict pain and some like to have pain inflicted. I guess that’s the same as Conservative and Conservative supporters. I’ve never met anyone that likes the hiccups, I have met people who tolerate them, but I think most people would prefer not to have them at all.

Tornado and Hurricane are spending the night and just at bedtime, Tornado came down with the hiccups. Of course you can’t sleep with hiccups. This boy is notorious for extending his waking life into what should be his sleeping life. I have always found hiccups to be really irritating and it seems that I also find them irritating in little boys.

Hiccups can have several causes, coughing, rapid eating, having intense emotions, drinking alcohol or carbonated beverages and laughing. There hasn’t been a significant amount of coughing that I have noticed, but I tend to be rather unobservant. I don’t think we ate very fast, well, he sure didn’t. I don’t know how he can have so much energy and eat so little. I suppose he could be one of those highly evolved beings that live on light and air, but his mom just thinks he’s an asshole. He does live on an emotional roller coaster, so that might just be the cause. I haven’t given him any carbonated beverages or alcohol, but I can’t say for sure that his grandmother didn’t. We have been doing a fair amount of laughing, so that just might be it.
 
Okay, it could be high emotions or laughing. That doesn’t help at all. Maybe I should go back to the old wives cures that we tried when we were kids. My favourite was standing on your head. I could never actually stand on my head and just trying made me laugh just a little too hard. There was sipping water from a glass which isn’t an option when the person you’re trying to cure is a three year old. Who wants to change the sheets in the middle of the night? There was sipping water from the far side of the glass, or as I used to call it…spilling. There is standing on your head and sipping water, again more spillage than drinking.

The one that actually worked sometimes was to have the living shit scared out of you. It helps to have a mean, sadistic older brother, but a tired and cranky “Poppa” might just be an adequate substitute. I do have a chainsaw in the garage that would probably do the trick, but it’s electric and any psychotic killer worth his salt wouldn’t be caught dead using an electric saw.
 
It is entirely possible that I will go back to the tried and true method that parents have used for centuries.

“GET BACK INTO BED AND IF I HEAR A PEEP OUT OF YOU FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT YOU WILL WISH I HADN’T!”
 

Yeah, that should work.

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