Monday, 27 May 2013

Vaseline


I have recently been taking Buster on a different route for our walks in the morning. I’m not doing it because I am a good guy that has his best interests at heart. I am doing it because we are walking earlier and I want to avoid the grade school kids who are heading to school at the same time. I don’t dislike all kids, just the ones that want to get all coochy-coo with Buster when all he wants to do is find some new place to take a leak. Sure he likes the attention and I think that he can’t tell the difference between these kids and Hurricane and Tornado.

Before I go any further, I just want it clear that the grade school kids have nothing to do with Vaseline.
 
Now that is settled, part of the reason I am walking this particular route is that a couple of months ago I found a ten dollar bill half frozen in the ice and being an optimist, I am hoping to find it’s twin. I haven’t had any luck with the money, but there is always tomorrow.
 
What I have noticed, are empty Vaseline containers on the side of the road. If there had only been one empty container, I would have thought that it is just normal garbage that was tossed out of a car. They toss out raw half chickens, so why not Vaseline? One day I saw no less than four empty containers strewn over two blocks. I would wager that all of the houses in that two blocks area combined, don’t use one large container in a day. Well, maybe if there are newlyweds, but even then... If that had been the only time I had noticed empties on the road, I would have thought it just an aberration, but it wasn’t. Since that first time, the problem has spread down the road for about twenty blocks.

What the hell! I figured that there must be some way to get high from it, but I’ve done an internet search and no luck. There is an internet prank going around where you put Vaseline on your hand and high five someone. That might work a few times, but eventually no one will high five you because of your reputation. It certainly wouldn’t account for 15 – 20 large jars of Vaseline.

Okay, I can think of something that might use that much Vaseline. Illegal Greko-Roman wrestling! There might be a small segment of the population that like to watch young men and women smear themselves with Vaseline and wrestle the best two out of three falls. They would hold these matches in abandoned warehouses late at night, and of course there would be heavy betting on the outcome. Come to think about it, it might not be such a small segment of the population that would be interested.
 
I wonder how I could get an invitation. Just for research purposes of course.

I did find a site for legitimate uses of Vaseline, and it turns out that Vaseline is quite versatile.


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