Sunday 12 May 2013

Transvestite Spiders

The other day I was in the garage just staring at all of the crap that I have piled on the workbench throughout the winter. I was wondering just who was going to clean it off and find a place for all of that stuff. If it were an easy task, you would think that I’d have put it away rather than pile it on the bench. The prospect of that kind of job just kind of freezes me in place and I can find myself staring at the pile for an unknown amount of time. I suppose it’s a last line of defence to protect me from actually doing anything.
I had just gotten to the point where I realized there was no way I could tackle a job this big without having lunch or at the very least a snack of some kind. Just then, I felt something crawling on my neck. I’m not a big fan of things crawling on any part of my body, but for something crawling that close to my ears is unnerving. From there it is just a hop, skip and a burrow away from my brain. There are a couple of ways to deal with this situation, the first being that you jump up and down screaming like a little girl, eventually rolling on the ground yelling ”GET IT OFF…GET IT OFF…GET IT OFF…” That has never been very effective for me because usually there is no one around and even if there is, they don’t want to come anywhere close to you.
The other calmer way is to reach the back of your neck and grab the offending insect or alien mind control beetle and let it go to live an unmolested life. I choose number three. I reached back, pinched it between thumb and forefinger and had a look at it. It was a ladybug that had somehow landed on me and was probably trying to find a way to get off of the man-mountain. I tossed it to the ground and dropped a size ten on it. I told the wet spot on the garage floor “It isn’t personal, it’s just fate. In another life, I might fly into your windshield while you are on your way to Saskatoon.”

I did feel a little guilt, but not a lot. I checked out the old wives tales web site and it turns out that it is bad luck to kill a ladybug. The site wasn’t specific, but I assume it meant if it was a pre meditated killing, or if the bug hadn’t landed on your neck. I am aware that I am in something of a grey area here, but ignorance must count for something. Right? Right?

I just caught a quick glimpse of it before I tossed it on the floor. I thought that it was a spider that liked to dress up in ladybug clothing. It was a split second decision and I just haven’t had the training to make those lightning quick, life and death decisions. If I thought it was a spider (and I did…really) then crushing it underfoot is totally acceptable. Sure it will cause a rain storm, but right now we have a fire ban in place and could use some rain. In fact, everyone should be killing spiders whenever possible.
I’m sorry about the death of that innocent ladybug, but as God is my witness, I thought it cross dressing daddy long-legs. Who could have guessed there would be transvestite spiders?

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