Tuesday 2 April 2013

Just a Rude Canadian

The Hawaiians seem to really love their vowels. I will admit that we English speaking people make good use of vowels, but sometimes we can go two or even three consonants without even thinking of a vowel. Here they are nothing if not fair minded when it comes to vowels. Perhaps it's because they are American and equality is written right into the constitution.

I don't have anything against vowels, I use them all of the time when I am writing the blog and even speaking. The way I feel is that if you are going to truly be equal, then you need to look at percentages. There are twenty six letters in our alphabet and only five of them are vowels. I know, you think that I have forgotten the "Y". I haven't forgotten it, I just don't believe that it belongs with the other vowels. They at least have committed themselves to a course of action.

The "Y" on the other hand is a fence sitter. I consider the "Y" to be like the Swiss during the Second World War, never taking sides and hoping that whoever is the winner will respect them for their neutrality. I would like to see the "Y" take a side and tell us once and for all if it wants to be a vowel or a consonant.

So, there are twenty six letters and at a stretch there are six vowels, that would be ...ahhhh...about... ahhhh 25% of the letters. About. There is no way that they should be on an even footing with the consonants, even in laid back Hawaii. The street names are all but unpronounceable here, like Piikea Avenue, E. Lipoa street, Liloa Drive and the list could go on and on and on. The vowels are not only getting equal billing here, but if you notice by those street names they are favoured. This is bullshit!

I wonder why the Eastern Europeans use mainly consonants? Probably because the fucking Hawaiians are hogging all of the good vowels.

Even the Garmin has a hard time with the street names. If the English lady's voice on Garmin has a hard time, then how am I supposed to wrap my anglo lips around the words? Every time I try to say something, it sounds like I am mocking a whole culture. Some of these guys are pretty tough looking too. I really don't want to piss them off, and if I say anything at all I probably will.

Everyone here says "Aloha" when greeting each other and "Mahalo" for thank you. When I say everybody, I really mean everybody. Well, with one exception, me. I can do the "Aloha" without feeling too odd about it. It is after all their preferred method of greeting one another, and it does seem right when they do it. I just don't feel right about using Mahalo though. It is supposed to mean thank you, but for all that I know it could mean "Your wife is a beautiful pig." I have decided that I will say thank you and then Mahalo, just so that I have all of the bases covered.

However, I am not sure if "Thank you for your wife, the beautiful pig." is any better. Perhaps I should just grunt and let the Hawaiians think I am just a rude Canadian. 

No comments:

Post a Comment