Free and Lonely

Have you ever wondered why someone’s off hand comment can cause you such emotional pain? Perhaps an action that someone does or doesn’t do hurts more than if they hit you with a hammer. We humans are pretty delicate emotionally. Some of us hide our hurt and disappointment with others very well. Sometimes we even manage to hide our feelings from ourselves and come off as a stone cold bastard.

I think I mentioned a year ago or so about a woman who contacted me through facebook that I went to high school with. She started the note “You probably don’t remember me, but you broke my heart in high school.” I wasn’t one of those guys, and I can count the number of girls I went out with on one hand. Well, maybe two hands and a toe or two. The thing is that I was by no means a player when it came to dating. I wished sometimes that I had been, but I was always pretty concerned about feelings being hurt. Usually mine of course, but in one or two instances, the other person. She was right about me not remembering her, but when I got the facebook note I looked her up in the yearbook and I did remember. I think we went out for a couple of weeks, but I assumed she dumped me. What do you know; maybe I was a bit of a player.

 

When Louise and I lived in Black Diamond Alberta, we had a couple of really good friends. We were like minded people for the most part and enjoyed being in each others company. They were a couple that would buy run down houses, fix them up and then sell them for a profit. I think they were going to do this until they could buy a very nice house that needed little or no work. Good plan.

 

One night there was a fire just around the corner and we were woken by the fire trucks. I went over to see what was going on and the house of our friends had burnt to the ground. They lost everything! The insurance replaced all that they lost, and as far as belongings went, they came out ahead. I think the house was insured for more than it was worth as well, so our friends actually came out on top.

Louise and I thought at the time that they probably set fire to the house themselves for the insurance money, but we said nothing and they never said anything either. Shortly after that, they moved to Ontario to be closer to family and we were saddened by their departure.

Perhaps because of their move, or perhaps not, a few months later we decided to move back to Ontario as well to be with our family. I was able to transfer across the country with the Post Office, but it meant that I left Louise to sell the house and look after the kids by herself. I still feel terrible about that. I was in Ontario and missing my family, but I did have time to visit our old friends.

I dropped in on them and they showed me their latest house project. It was quite a step up in size, but there was a lot of work that needed to be done. A lot! Later that day I was talking to Louise and told her of my visit and what a shit box of a place they had, but how it would be just gorgeous when they were finished. I guess Louise told another mutual friend and that friend turned around and told them, but left out the part about how gorgeous it would be eventually. They never talked to us again.

Since that time, I have been very careful about saying what I think about people out loud. We all have thoughts about how we would do things differently if we were to do it, but it is best not to tell people the truth, because people are emotionally delicate as I said.

The truth may set you free, but you will be free and lonely.