It Wasn’t Heaven But It Was Pretty Close

I was in the Superstore today because I needed to pick up a few things. Fake glasses, new cape, SPF 20,000, anti kryptonite pills, a street map with all of the super villains homes and some bottled air for the bottled city of Kandor. Okay, I was just there to pick up milk, bread and some other stuff that was on the list.

I went to the produce area first and picked up some bananas and I thought that I should get some oranges because I feel a cold coming on. I walked down to the bread area and passed a rack with discounted vegetables on it. I generally walk by this rack, but today I gave it a second look. They are usually about 50% off, but they should really be sent to the compost bin. I know that they are probably quite edible and if you cut out the bruised, slimey, dented, overripe and cracked parts. I think that sometimes it isn’t just that they will nourish your body, but you have to think what kind of damage you are doing to your psyche.

I have eaten my share of food that has past its prime eating stage. I actually have some milk in the fridge right now that I have been using for the past couple of days which if I were to be honest with myself I should just pour it down the drain. That is one of the reasons I was at Superstore this morning. Anyways, I picked up some milk and the best before date was May 3^rd. I almost picked the May 1^st one, but I figured I get two extra days. That is fifteen days from now. How do they know it will last that long.

I don’t really understand how the “best before dates” work. Is the food good until that date if it is unopened and still factory sealed? Does it stay good until the BB date even if you opened it the first day that you got it home? Just how accurate is the BB date? I would think that they would pick a date and subtract a few days so that people like me won’t end up poisoning themselves.

It is pretty easy to tell if bread is past due, it gets stiff and develops greenish blue (aquamarine) furry spots. Sour cream tends to go greenish black and fuzzy. Cheese starts to get mould and I was wondering if when I cut said mould off; does the best before date get reset? I can’t make my mind up about mould. It is obviously a vegetable/fruit/growing thing of some sort, so I would imagine it has some nutritional value of its own. If you cook it, would it be safe to eat and a new taste sensation? What would be the Best Before date be on mould? Do you think it would start to get less mouldy as it got older? How would you go about packaging it?

I was just thinking about how long some of our food lasts. Not if you have teenagers in the house, but with normal people. How do they make it last as long as it does? I imagine a liberal dosing of chemicals and some high tech magic. Sometimes I will buy a 20 or 10 pound bag of potatoes because they are much cheaper than the five pound bag. Invariably, some of them start to sprout little plantlets and the skin softens and winkles up, much like human skin as you get older. My question is how do they keep them firm and fresh all through the winter and spring? The same question applies to apples, carrots and other root vegetables. I don’t think I want to know.

The other day, I was cleaning out the pantry and I came across a baggie that had dropped behind something. I pulled it out and it had old, broken and stale Oreo cookies and bits in it. I should have thrown it out. I really shouldn’t have given it another thought, but the baggie didn’t have a best before date on it. I got myself a glass of the milk I mentioned in paragraph three, and I sat at the table eating those old, broken, stale Oreo cookie crumbs.

It wasn’t heaven, but it was pretty close.