Saturday 18 June 2011

See What You Can Do About All The Assholes

I’m not really good with animals, other than my dog, but I feed him so that really doesn’t count. I think that squirrels like me, well; they haven’t said that they don’t like me so I am going to take that as a yes. Horses and I have never really seen eye to eye. Each of the five times I have gone riding I discovered a new and novel way of getting off, and none of them were pleasant. I like cows, but really just ground up into bite size pieces. It is pretty hard to start a dialogue with any birds; they always seem to be so aloof. I have never seen most of the woodland creatures because they are either shy or think that we are playing hide and seek. Fish? Never met them, never want to! They smell like fish and you wouldn’t believe what they do in the water that they drink.

Now, even being species handicapped I am willing to step up and build the ark. Just send me a sign! Uhhhh…best not to write the sign in Latin or Aramaic, I am a little rusty on my dead languages. I guess a good sign would be an unlimited gift certificate at Rona. I could use a set of plans too. Nothing fancy, just draw something on a Tim’s napkin with rough measurements.

Oh, I will probably need an area to build this thing too. My backyard is fine for some things, but it will never do as a large construction site. Speaking of construction sites, I am definitely going to need a shit pile of workers. I suppose I could make do with mostly apprentices, but some journeymen/women will be necessary to give some direction to the apprentices. I am pretty sure I will spend most of my time getting permits at city hall and doing interviews with local and eventually the world media.

I am kind of torn about a security force. We will certainly need someone to keep an eye on the job site at night and on weekends, not to mention the crowd control problems as we near completion.There are far too many assholes on the planet!  Spears or guns, I will leave that up to You.

The rains have begun already and I am not one to be critical of his God, but in my mind, someone has been dragging His feet. Let’s get on the stick shall we?

So, let’s review. You will need to supply a few animal wranglers, unlimited credit at Rona, plans, job site, skilled workers, and security and let’s get on top of this ASAP.

You know, I just checked the internet weather forecast and things are supposed to clear up by early next week so let’s just put the plans and things on the back burner for now. I will hold on to the Rona gift card if You don’t mind.

So…be good and …ahhh…see what you can do about all the assholes.

1 comment:

  1. Those relapses from the sixties I've heard can be a real bitch, try drinking some green tea and snorting Malocks! B