Wednesday 22 June 2011

#346 Out Of A Class Of 349

Why do things have to die?

Sometimes you are prepared for the end because there has been a long drawn out problem that just can’t be fixed no matter how many experts are brought in. I think that in the majority of cases, the end comes swiftly. I realize that nothing can last forever (except for hot dogs), but why go before the proper time?

Just around my keyboard died! It wasn’t a really good keyboard, it couldn’t spell very well and its grammar was atrocious. The batteries would be good for a long while and then, again for no apparent reason just die. It was cheap, light weight, sleek and black with some of the symbols in a light blue for some unexplained reason. The manual covers all sorts of things pertaining to the function of the keyboard, but not why they would put light blue lettering on just some of the keys. Very odd, don’t you think?

I dissected it at the end. I had to use a torx screwdriver and one or two swear words before I managed to pry the body apart. The insides were made of flimsy black plastic buttons covered with an even flimsier opaque plastic. There didn’t seem to be any moving parts, but I guess nothing will be moving when I die either. I do hope that no one decides to pry me apart with a torx screwdriver.

I was at my dentist the other day and when she asked me why I changed dentists I told her that I would like to die before my dentist does and I wasn’t sure about the last guy I had. I just know that when I am eighty or so it is going to be tough to find a decent dentist. Mind you I could probably mail my teeth in by then. I told her that I had just changed to a young female MD for the same reason. She told me that her husband won’t go to a female doctor and it is just silly. I know it is silly, but I had a lot of trouble with that too until I realized that the doctor doesn’t want to see my body any more than I want her to see it. That conversation led to discussion of donating organs and how I will donate my body to science like my dad did. I said that the thought of those young kids laughing at my naked body doesn’t sit very well. She got very serious and told me that would never happen. They are told how these people gave their bodies to help the students learn and they deserve the utmost respect. I believe her, but I still am hoping that I am not hanging around my corpse when they pry it open with a torx screwdriver.

I have been taking things apart since I was a little kid. Just recently I have been able to put some of the things back together again. I’ve bought Ikea furniture before and I was a student once, so I know from experience that until you are very, very, very good there are always parts left over. It is especially difficult when you are number 346 out of a class of 349. I guess the trouble is my “manual” isn’t on the web and they aren’t making parts for me any more. That’s enough about my parts and just where they fit in.
So, I am going to have a small private service for my keyboard. I am going to recycle my electronics the old fashioned way and bury it in the back yard. Please don’t send cards or condolences; I just want to get on with my life, knowing that good old MK300 is frolicking with all of the other keyboards somewhere in keyboard heaven.

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