Saturday 13 December 2014

A Crappy Present

We are starting to get to the middle of December and I am getting the same feeling I would get the week before final exams in school. I haven’t done near enough preparation and there is no way in Hell I’ll be ready.

I bought stamps and managed to write about ten cards. Okay, seven cards but I was rounding up. I doubt I will get any more done today, because Hurricane and Tornado are coming for a sleep over. That means that there will be none done in the morning and whenever they leave I will definitely need a nap. Maybe tomorrow night, but then again Sunday night has become a good TV watching night. Early in the week then, for sure!

I know I am forgetting something. I know, I don’t have the perfect gift for Louise. I can’t take the entire blame for that, because she has everything that a woman needs. Well, she has me and really, what more could anyone ask? I’d like to buy her a house in Hawaii, but I just can’t seem to pick the right six numbers. She isn’t really into jewellery (thank God) but I think she would love to have some little thing made with emeralds. Once again, it’s those elusive six numbers that are causing the problem.

Maybe something from the heart would be nice. Something from the heart actually means a piece of crap I made that she is nice enough to say she likes. She is a tough cookie to buy for. If only she were reasonable and would like the same things that I do, life would be so much easier.

Lately she has been saying things like how she is lucky to have me and aren’t I nice. That could be a ploy to encourage me to get that special gift. It could also be her way of lulling me into a false sense of security before leaving me. Maybe that’s what she would really like for Christmas, some peace and quiet without me babbling on all of the time. Can’t blame her, I can see how that would be nice. You know, I could write up a book of coupons, promising her an hour of quiet every time she redeems the coupon. The only drawback is that I would feel obligated to keep my mouth shut for an entire hour at a time. Would there be a penalty if I didn’t keep quiet? I bet there would be.

I still have lots of “last minute” shopping time left, and when I burn through that there will be some “Okay…this is getting real” time. Shortly after that I’ll move into “Panic” time which will ease right into “Are any stores still open” time. It’s a good thing that the internet is open 24/7 365 days a year. I’ll be able to download a divorce form for free and all I need do is sign it.

Maybe I will just concentrate on finding an expensive, crappy present. It has to be cheaper than a divorce.

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