Saturday, 2 August 2014

Buy these Numbers


I was out in the back alley the other day taking out the trash when a gust of wind blew a tiny piece of paper against my leg. I would normally just shake my leg and be done with it, but since I was dealing with the recycling anyways I figured I should do the right thing.

It said “For most, when cravings occur they usually last only a few minutes. You’ve got what it takes to go smoke free.” Obviously some kind of feel good message they put into cigarette packages now. I am just not too sure how effective these positive messages are. When I was smoking, I just took out the pack and pulled out a smoke. I didn’t spend any time reading the pack or looking at photos of diseased lungs, I was just interested in having a smoke.

It seems kind of stupid to tell someone that is still smoking that the cravings he would feel if he happened to quit, would only last a few minutes. Why would he care? He’s still smoking and has no cravings, or if he does have a craving for a cigarette he just has to open the pack. Smokers don’t even think about quitting unless someone is bugging them to quit.

Oh, and I can tell you that the cravings last more than a few minutes. Try months and even years. That’s like telling someone that if you hit your thumb with a hammer you can lessen the pain by thinking about a kitten. Maybe, if you were to hit the kitten with a hammer instead of your thumb, but otherwise, you are in for a world of pain. When I quit, I would take a 2X4 and pound it with a hammer until there was no solid wood left, it got rid of some aggression and I suppose it saved a few kittens.

This little piece of paper went on to tell me that “Nicotine is the drug in tobacco that causes addiction.” Well, thank you Health Canada! I doubt that anyone knew nicotine was to be found in tobacco. You have to wonder how many years and millions of dollars it took to come up with this gem of wisdom. Well, at least they are earning their money at Health Canada.

I had a friend that was very high and walking alone late at night who found a sign on the sidewalk that read “THIS IS IT”. Of course he brought it home and mounted it on the wall, but to my knowledge he never found out what the “IT” actually was. Maybe he did and it was a message just for him. I wouldn’t mind getting a message from the universe, it might be fun. Well, as long as the message wasn’t about cravings.

I kind of hope that if the universe or God decides to communicate with me it won’t be from a burning bush or some random piece of paper that blows against my leg. Well, unless that random piece of paper happens to have a series of six numbers on it with the message
“BUY THESE NUMBERS KEN!
REALLY!
GET OFF YOUR ASS AND BUY A LOTTO TICKET WITH THESE SIX NUMBERS!”   

---GOD---

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