Sunday 16 September 2012

Except For The Wet Farts

For some inexplicable reason, I was thinking about people that don’t wear underwear today. I realize that some of you are thinking “That isn’t inexplicable Ken; you are male and therefore a pig!” That is true as far as it goes, but I wasn’t just thinking about Victoria Secret models.

When I went to school, there was this guy that I noticed and he always had a smile on his face and seemed to be one of the happiest, intelligent, most interesting, well adjusted teenager that I had met. Paul was the kind of guy that you wanted to be like. It wasn’t until I got to know him that I found out that Paul was always in commando mode. I wish now that I had asked him when and why he decided to stop wearing underwear. Now, whether or not being “free” was the reason he was well adjusted, happy, intelligent, and interesting was a factor or not, I am not prepared to speculate.

I have noticed that people without underwear tend to smile a lot more as a rule. That might just be a nervous smile. Going commando isn’t all fun and games though. There have been some young starlets that have regretted the decision when getting out of a limo with paparazzi around. Zippers can pose a real problem as well. I contend that there is nothing…nothing as painful as getting your privates caught in a zipper. I did it just once when I was eight or nine and I can still recall the agony some fifty years later.

The Scots are a nation without underwear, and they don’t seem terrible happy for the most part. Mind you, it can be quite cold and they are open to the weather as it were, which would put a frown on anyone’s face. They also seem to spend an inordinate amount of time throwing large poles in the air and making the most God awful noise by squeezing a bag filled with air. I can’t help but think they would be happier if they were to start wearing underwear. That’s just my opinion, no need to get your shorts in a knot.

When you are wearing underwear forgetting to do up your zipper is at most a little embarrassing. Without underwear the same thing can be totally humiliating. Well, unless of course you have been well blessed by Mother Nature. I have always liked the idea of an extra layer of protection between my delicate skin and the denim or corduroy.

I guess that when I am wearing a bathing suit it is sort of like going commando. Not really though because a lot of bathing suits have a kind of mesh liner that keeps everything that needs to be kept in place, in place. I remember I used to like skinny dipping, but the opportunity for that is long past for me. If I were to skinny dip now, there would be a good chance someone would snap a picture and it would start a whole new frenzy about finding Bigfoot.

I have gone without the odd time when laundry day was postponed, but I never did feel that comfortable. Perhaps it takes a special type of person to live and thrive without underwear. I know it isn’t me, but I suspect those people are still out there, walking down the street with a smile on their faces and not a care in the world.

Well, except for wet farts.

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