Saturday 16 July 2011

Naked On The Balcony

Today we went to the Stampede!


I am a reluctant Calgarian when it comes to the Stampede. I like pancakes and sausage, but not every morning for a week and a half. I have a suspicion that the guy who started the Stampede thought  pancakes and sausage was a hangover remedy. Incidentally, the person that started the Stampede was a guy, Guy Weadick. I find it curious that he is a guy and a dick. Just sayin’

Louise and I slept in and then had a leisurely morning, taking care of “morning” things. We have free tickets to get into the grounds, but neither of us had been for a few years and I had my doubts about how much we would enjoy ourselves. In for a penny, in for a pound, as my mother used to say. We locked Buster in the house and drove to the LRT station, parked and bought two tickets.

The tickets were $2.75 which is the going transit rate I guess. You know, for just a buck or two more you could park down by the Stampede, but no, this is easier. I have always liked the LRT because you get such an odd assortment of people. Over there is a grandmother and two kids dressed like gay cowboys, standing beside her there are a couple of guys that are either drug dealers or homicidal maniacs. There is a guy that looks vaguely like a seedy Steven Spielburg. No, that is my reflection in the window. Oh, we have a “giggle” of slutty looking teenage cowgirls at the end of the car. Hey, that guy looks normal! What is he doing on this train?

We enter the grounds and the first thing that we do is to go into a building where they sell every imaginable piece of crap gizmo and wizbang vegetable shredder on the planet. I try to take it all in without making eye contact with any of the people at the booths. It being fairly early in the day they still have some energy and try to engage me in conversation. Unless they lay down in front of me though I think I am safe. It’s becomes obvious that Louise either doesn’t know this technique or is interested in something. Now I have to stand in one place and avoid looking at people. God, this is hopeless!

We move to an area in the building that is the one place I want to be. The arts and craft area. We see a guy that uses paint and carving to make the most stunning art. Worth the trip!

There are so many other wonderful, creative people that have entered their creations in for display. I am overwhelmed! This coming year, less TV and more creativity! No, really!

We feel the need to feed, so off to the midway for some delectable delights. I see the prices and suddenly I have lost my appetite. We mortgage the house and get a hamburger, and a smoky with a drink. We momentarily considered getting the “donut burger”, but at 3000 calories we took the much healthier option. A couple of years ago in at the CNE in Toronto, we had chocolate covered bacon, but it appears that particular delight hasn’t made it across the country.

We next went to the Agri-Centre which, when I tell you it was ho-hum I am overstating the excitement. They had plastic farm animals! Worst petting zoo ever! I know there are animals somewhere, because I can smell them. I ran into a couple of women that I used to work with and chatted for a while.

Might as well go through the Dream Home, which was quite nice. A bit choppy and it had a small master with a glass wall looking in on the bathtub and shower. That might be good for two young svelte people, but by the time you look like me, and you will just have to trust me on this, no one wants to see me naked. I don’t think Dracula’s reflection couldn’t be seen in a mirror, it was just that he was old and who wants to see a pasty white, old guy’s body? I liked the home. I wouldn’t build a house that way, but if I win it I will be naked not only in the bathroom, but on the balcony!

Pelltier and Sale′ were the headliners in a skating show which gave us a chance to sit down and get out of the sun. The skating was terrific and there was a very good band that provided live music for the skaters. It was very enjoyable; I only dozed off three or four times. Louise had a nice chat with a woman sitting next to her, whose son had tried the donut burger and said it was gross, partly because the icing on the donuts was gravy flavoured. I guess this kid will eat anything, but drew a line in the sand when it came to the donut burger. We left the show and let the crowd carry us towards the exit. We are pretty much done.

We travel in reverse and end up at home, healthy and happy if just a touch lighter in the pocketbook. I had a good time, considering I was dreading the crowds and...well the crowds. I don’t like the crowds. I think we will go again next year if only to see the crafts and the artwork.


  1. Thanks for the heads up on that donut burger, thats sounds just awful. What's coming next year shit sandwiches! Glad to hear you enjoyed the Stampede, not something I like but thousands of people can't be wrong right? B

  2. next time maybe walk to the lrt station....hmmmm theres a concept

  3. Hey! I don't know who you are Anonymous, but if God had wanted us to walk he would have given us legs...Oh...ahhhh...nevermind.

    LOVED IT!!!!

  5. Hey there anonymous I know for a fact that Ken used his legs for 30+ years at Canada Post, oh wait my wife corrected my mistake Ken wasted his and our time at Canada Post for 30+ years. She said the only time he used his legs was when free coffee and donuts were served up by management, so he would be first in line and licked all the pastries! She said the licking was bad enough but the leaving of facial hair on the double chocolate donuts was just rude. Well there you have it folks Kens' legacy. Well I still like the guy anyway and he always made me laugh, OK except for the pastry thing ahhhh you really didn't do that did you??? B

  6. How else can you decide which donut you want? It wasn't too often that the management served up anything but bullshit. Sure...facial hair.

  7. I'll believe you before my wife anytime and besides I'm not sure those were facial hairs anyway, ohhhh let's just drop this subject and move on to tomorrows blog OK! B