Monday 11 July 2011

Is There A Cash Prize That Goes With Sainthood?

There are some people that are put on this planet for the betterment of humankind. Moses, Buddha, Mohammed, Jesus, Saint Nicholas, Mother Theresa, Lao Tzu, the Dalai Lama and many others less famous but just as deserving. Today, it is possible that Father Kenneth will be added to this esteemed list.

Yes, I did charity work today! I volunteered to work a casino for the Calgary Canoe Club. Well, I didn’t volunteer myself, but when Louise told me that I was working, I did say OK. That has to count for something. So, I will admit that the Calgary Canoe Club isn’t Missionaries of Charities in Calcutta, but according to the Alberta gaming commission it qualifies.

I had to get there at the ungodly hour of 10:30 AM which barely left me enough time to read the paper, walk the dog and have a cup of coffee. I normally have two or three coffees in the morning before I present myself to the world, but isn’t personal sacrifice a key for the aspiring saint?

When I drove to the casino I had nothing but green lights and the traffic kept to the posted speed limit. When I pulled into the casino parking lot I found a spot right next to a handicapped space. Let me tell you, that green lights and good parking during Stampede week is miraculous. Performing miracles is another key for the wanna be saint.

I signed in to work and listened attentively while our duties were explained. I had to tell the other cashier a few things that he missed. I guess you might say that I brought light to the blind. Yep, that’s another potential miracle.

I took chips from the wealthy (degenerate gamblers) and gave it to the needy (paddlers). I will admit that is more like Robin Hood, but the road to Sainthood is paved with trials and tribulations. Half way through my allotted time I took a lunch break, and on my way to the lounge I brushed up against several people that were playing the slots. I like to think of it as a laying on of hands and curing the sick. I don’t know that they will never gamble again, and in fact most of them just sat at the machines, but I am sure they were looking at their pathetic lives with sober reflection.

I ordered Fish and chips and a diet coke. They only had Pepsi, but I forgave them their transgressions. Another key? The fish didn’t feed the multitudes as it did in days gone by, but it was a substantial portion and I would have shared if I were but asked. Definitely an enlightened soul!

The rest of the day went by rather quickly, listening to the inane babble of my co-workers (tolerance) and my conviction that the day would soon be over (belief) and I would return to my loved ones (salvation). We totalled up the cash and chips that I had on hand and lo and behold, it balanced! Yes, another miracle. Take that Mr. Konig you dick! You thought that I wasn’t paying attention in grade 10 math class and flunked me.

Hmmmm...Saint Kenneth. That has a nice ring to it don’t you think? Does anyone know if there is a cash prize that goes with the sainthood thing?



  2. I can't think of a person more deserving , I still remember all the smiles you put on fellow employees faces at Canada Post, granted those came when you retired but smile they did. B

  3. I'm pretty sure everyone wants to touch my body. I don't come cheap! No, wait, I do come cheap!

    Is that why I wasn't invited to my own retirement party?

  4. Lets send the photo to the pope and see what happens. That'll be fun.

  5. I like the way you think Thunder K

  6. Glad to see Louise checked for Green Peacers prior to your pose otherwise we would have to live without your gems of wisdom!

  7. Shortly after I was rolled into the ocean. Good thing salt water is buoyant!