Tuesday, 31 May 2016

Shit For Brains

On the walk this morning with Buster, he proved that age old maxim that shit does indeed roll downhill. I felt a little silly following behind a tiny rolling object with a plastic bag on my hand, but it needed to be done.

Of course that rolling bit of excrement was all I could think about for a few minutes. The road apples that come from horses would definitely roll downhill and there is a good chance they could dislodge something else and start an avalanche. IF my memory serves, the scat from a bear might be able to roll downhill, depending on what it had been eating. I’m pretty sure that a diet of wild berries would end up soaking into the ground, but food taken from picnic baskets would be rolling material. It might even be musical with the odd bear bell tinkling away. Mountain goats would be like aerial bombers and their droppings would roll once they dropped from the cliff face.

Not all shit would roll downhill of course; anything that comes from a ruminant tends to splash and puddle. It does eventually dry and over the centuries it has been burned in fires, it is used as building material and recently the cow paddies have been used as Frisbees. Rural county fairs will often use a cow to determine the winner of a prise. They section off a large area of field, grid it and then sell the individual squares for a price, usually to raise money for charity. They will then let the cow into the area and when she makes her deposit the owner of that square wins the prize. I would probably have more luck with the cowshit than I do with the lotto.

I started out going somewhere with this, but I can’t for the life of me figure out just how my uncle and the book he had written, which gram tossed into the fireplace because it was so vulgar would fit in with Buster and the hill. Hmmm…nope, I’ve got nothing.


Well, I have shit for brains it seems.

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